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Rated: 13+ · Documentary · Comedy · #2014303
Turing into your Mother is never expected.
1.          I have more facial products than a teenager going through puberty.
I never used to wear make-up, or even lotion on my face. Now, I’ve got Anti-Aging serums, Moisturizing Lotions, Green Apple peels, fancy rose water toner, and at least 4 different types of BB and CC foundation, whatever those are.

My pores seemed to have developed into craters, my crow’s feet are expanding by the second, my neck is starting to sag, and I’ve got a road map of wrinkles on my forehead, which seems to be leading to me to Cougar Town.

I’m not even going to get into the chin hair.

I first noticed this, along with my first gray hair (aghhh!) about a year ago, and I’ve sort of been in denial since then; however, the abundance of products I have in my bathroom, and the fact I can’t leave my house without mascara and foundation – just like my Mom – are constant reminders of my desperate attempt to not get old.

Alas, everyone goes through this, and instead of associating myself with a delicate flower, I have to accept that I’m cheese…getting better with age.

2.          Grunge and Alternative Rock has been replaced by instrumentals and Easy Listening on long drives.

When I first moved away from home, I was pretty homesick and would make the five and a half hour drive back almost every weekend. It would always be after school or work, so I typically wouldn’t get in until 10 PM or later.

The drive was long and boring, and I relied on Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Alice in Chains, Modest Mouse, Cake etc. to keep me awake. Although I still love to listen to them, I’ve noticed when I drive home now, or on any other long drive I listen to sappy love songs, or acoustic versions of songs. 

“Alive” has been replaced with “Make You Feel My Love”.

“Dead and Bloated” has been replaced with “Have I Told You Lately that I Love You”.

“Rooster” has been replaced with “Let Her Go”.

“Satin in a Coffin” has been replaced by “Almost Lover”.

On the flip side; we’ve both developed a liking for “Talk Dirty to Me”, so maybe there’s still hope!

3.          I post way too many pictures of my plants and flowers.

My Mom has always had flowers and plants; so much so that it was hard to navigate through the yard or the house because she had so many. I remember her staying outside for hours planting, watering, pruning, and how excited she would become when a store would have a garden section. I never understood it; sure flowers are pretty and plants are neat, but were they worth the worry when she was on vacation? Was it worth being sad when one of them died? Was it worth it to drive to the next biggest town just to go to nurseries?

YES! I’ve been into flowers, plants and cactus for the past 6 years now, and I am just as obsessed (in a healthy way) as my Mom.

What got me into gardening was I followed a boyfriend to the East Coast and it was a very hard transition. Instead of being surrounded by mountains, trees, cactus, and flowers, I was engulfed by concrete, tall buildings, traffic, and an abundance of people. You see, up until I moved back East, I had only known wide open spaces, camping was only an hour away and it was secluded, the only time you saw anyone else was at the lake when you were fishing.

I’m a “Desert Rat” as we say here in the South West, and being confined to apartments with no yards, “car camping”, which I literally cried the first time we did it, and always being inundated by people, pretty much broke me.

I know what you’re going to say, “There’s plenty of “nature” back East, you just didn’t go to the right places.” I can agree with that; however, when we tried to go camping, or to the beach, we spent more time in the car with traffic then actually at our destinations, and even hiking 12 miles into the woods on the Appalachian Trail, we still had people all around. 

So needless to say, when I returned to the desert, I had as many flowers, plants and cactus as my yard and house would hold. I spend hours establishing new additions and maintaining what I already have, and when I get stressed out, I go to a garden center – just like my Mom.

4.          “Stretchy pants” and leggings outnumber my jeans.

Let me first start off by saying, they are in fashion, so I supposed this isn’t a full on “Mom” behavior; however, since I have predominately been working from home this past year, the thought (and discomfort) of wearing jeans makes me groan.

There’s good and bad things about choosing elastic over denim. The best part is obviously the comfort of them, and since they are in style, it’s like being able to wear your PJ’s anywhere! The bad thing, is you don’t notice when you’ve put on a few pounds, until you look like you’re having a seizure when attempting to put your jeans on.

I only notice we have this attire in common when my Mom comes to visit, or I go home, but nonetheless, we’ve become advocates for lycra!

5.          Breakfast – it’s what’s for dinner.

As a kid, I remember having breakfast foods more for dinner than at breakfast, and I wasn’t complaining. Pancakes with butter and syrup; waffles if we were being fancy, eggs and bacon, toast with strawberry jam, I loved it. Especially when the other options was either hamburger helper or stuffed bell peppers.

I always thought it was just my Mom’s preferred food choice; however, I have come to understand the true reason behind this – it’s cheap and easy! Don’t get me wrong, I love to cook. I’ve always tried new recipes and I’ve never seen it as a chore, but breakfast has become my go to dinner. Perhaps it is because I haven’t lived with anyone for a while since my roommate and her daughter moved out, and my boyfriend has his own place. Perhaps it is because when I do cook an actual dinner, I cook for an Army; I’ve never learned how to just cook for one or two.

This might change, as the boyfriend and I are moving in together at the end of this month; however, I have a feeling that breakfast will still be on the dinner menu from time to time.

6.          Commercials and movies make me cry.

I used to laugh so hard at my Mom when she would cry at those Hallmark commercials. The old man got a puppy, what’s the big deal? The son made his Mom breakfast, whoopty do! The little girl is picking flowers in the meadow for her Dad, so what? I’m sure he’d prefer a skill saw.

Well, now there’s a box of tissue next to the couch.

Just to clarify, it happens all of the time, not just when Aunt Flo is here. I used to love movies like Braveheart and Gladiator because of all of the fighting and strategy; the mushy parts were always boring to me. Now I spring a leak no matter what is going on; the poor boy has to go live with an Uncle he doesn’t even know, he came back a man and is courting the girl that gave him a flower, he’s screaming in a field of death, a father was murdered by his son, they’re singing by a campfire. Jeez louise!

Remember the Budweiser commercial that aired on last year’s Superbowl with the horse and the dog? Well, there I was in my football jersey, eating ribs, drinking beer, hanging out with the guys doing manly stuff and when that commercial came on I freaking lost it and cried in the bathroom like a girl who didn’t get asked to prom!

All I can say, is if things continue on like this, I’ve got a “shelf butt” and my own electric razor for my goatee in my future.
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