by V.D. Tamien
A boy's unrequited-love-journey
How does it feel to have a girlfriend? I don’t know anything about it, sorry. Every time I see a girl and a guy in public together, it’s inevitable in my part to feel so innocent about this kind of relationship. Ever since the day I realized I’m already a grown-up, not a single moment of having a girlfriend happened to me. Well crushes, yeah, I have lots and lots of ‘em, but girlfriend—how I wish I do. Most of my friends have various experiences with this. Some ended sadly, some happy, but one thing’s for sure—it’s not an easy kind of relationship.
I may have no girlfriend, but in so many instances in my life, my heart was broken. Unrequited love, simply one-sided love—that’s what I’ve been going through all this time. It’s difficult to be in that kind of dimension, yes. Loving someone too much can really “kill” us. It’s like pouring all your efforts into something, but nothing happened in the end. For many guys, they do everything they can to win the lady’s heart, but it’s useless—the girl loves somebody else. But in my case, I’m not making any move. I’m loving a girl with all my heart and only I know it. She doesn’t know, only I know. The worst part of this heartache is the fact that I have no chance against the guy she really, really loves.
She’s committed but my heart fell for her. I fell for her. I fell in love with her. Every love song I hear, she’s all I remember—only her, the girl I love with all my heart and soul, but did I let her know? I did, in a way, but there’s no I love you. There’s a secret love with the things we do—those few stolen moments are my only refuge. The way she looks at me is just so different. There’s something in it that made me more hopeful of us to exist even for a short while, or maybe forever. Maybe, it’s always maybe. I know she likes me—it came from her—the thing is, only a part of her heart beats for me, just a part fell for me. And the rest of her heart belongs to someone she truly loves—her boyfriend.
What am I to her? A friend, just a friend, or maybe a special kind of friend. It’s funny how destiny brought us together. Is there a reason why the two of us met? Is there a reason why God made us know one another, made us befriend each other? A friend of mine told me something about uncertainties—we are all uncertain of what the future has in store for us. There may be things that exist now, but sooner or later, they’d be gone. It gave me high hopes that someday, the two of us will be, or maybe not. I dunno. I’m ready for whatever future has for me, but I’m still learning to set her free.