Loneliness doesn't mean being alone. Shedding tears doesn't mean you're crying.
This world has never been the place for me. Never in my life have I belonged. Never have I met a person who does, or will ever, understand me. Nobody has ever followed my way of thinking, yet I can somehow understand other people's actions, morals, and their reactions. This isn't gloating. This isn't boasting that I am above all others. This is a simple statement of fact.
This same fact has led me to live a life virtually alone. I can never relate. I can never fit in. I can surround myself with a lot of people if I want to. I can join in. But I never truly belonged. I have always been alone.
I am alone when I have friends beside me, talking and sympathizing with each other, making fun of each other and of other people. I am alone when I am on a gathering of people with the same interests, talking enthusiastically and agreeing on everyone's opinions. I am alone when I am with my family, caring for each other like they really care. I am alone when I am with strangers, politely fake and faking politeness, empty conversations and empty kindness.
But I am never alone when I am only with myself.
I am never alone when I am deep in thought. I am never alone when I am lying awake thinking of what should be and what should have been, of what should be done and what should have been done. I am never alone when I walk meters and my mind wanders for miles. I am never alone when I am with me. My tears have always been my companions.
My tears that are so shy they have never shown themselves to anyone but me. My tears so kind they always comfort me. They do not come out of cowardice. They do not come out of sorrow, or sadness. Not really. Not even loneliness. They come out as an outlet. They are the ones who take the blame. They are the ones who scream. They are the ones who laugh. They are the ones who weep for me, so I would not cry. They break the silence that the quiet could not, nor will ever, attempt to budge.
The tears in my eyes stop me from crying.