For him, I was everything. But for me, he is everything. Hey, where are you gone?
|For him, I was everything.|
It was last year's winter when we first met. We met on our way home from school. I was walking with my friends, while he was with his friends. It was so chilling that I had to put both arms in the coat's pockets, gloves alone weren't enough. Because my body kept moving all the time, the scarf in my neck sometimes fell and brought the breezes to my neck. I directly reorganized it, but the wind took my scarf instead and flew it away. I was chasing after my scarf, leaving my friends behind. The breezes become crueler in my neck, but I couldn't do anything but to put my scarf back in my neck and first, I needed to catch it.
Then I saw him. A black haired boy with fair skin, black pupils, black coat, black scarf, and bare hands. He was not too handsome but somehow he seemed nice. He was holding my red scarf. He was looking around to find who the owner of the scarf is. Then our eyes met. Thanks to the wind, I was able to talk to him.
When I thanked him, he said his name was Izuki Akihito. I told him my name, and he directly called me with my given name, Natsuki. I called him with his surname, but he insisted me to call him Akihito. I noticed that he was a very easy-going man. He even said that he wants to see me again, and then he left. My mind was full with confusion.
The very next day, he was waiting in front of my school's gate, waiting for me. I was surprised, of course. We walked home together. My friends were mocking at us, but he seemed didn't care. On our way, he asked me about my email and phone number, my address, my hobbies, my favorite things, and many more. I asked him, "What are they for?" And all he said, "To make you my everything."
For me, he was nothing.
At first, I would think of him as a nuisance. He was a weird boy who always appeared in every single of my day. He was looking for me just to tell me about those unimportant stories, his unfunny jokes, and stuff. He eagerly would always tell me how much he loved me. All I could do was ignoring him and didn't believe in everything he said because it was too fast. I even hadn't felt any love at all.
But then, they said that love will grow after you get used to it. I guessed that was what happened to me back then. I got used to having him around. We always together, had fun together. When he was not around, I would feel anxiety and lonely. I even couldn't remember when I started falling in love with him. When I realized it, he already became my everything.
For me, he is everything.
It is still clear in my mind how my days changed because of him. I still remember how he did many jokes to make me laugh. I still remember many surprises which he prepared for me in our every date. I still remember how gently he caressed me to make me stop crying. He is always there for me.
I still remember the secret sign which we made in the park we used to go. It is hidden among the trees, so anybody else wouldn't know. It is our secret... Just the two of us.
I still remember stupid little things we've done together. Two of us, sitting like idiots on a bench, doing nothing. We just stared at the stars, holding hands, little chats, then stared at the stars again. It was nothing special, but it felt so special. That's the brightest starry night I've ever see. Maybe it was because I see them with him.
For me, he is still everything.
And even until now, I'm still thinking about him every day. Every morning when I wake up, I will wondering if I will meet him or not. But after our last date, I never see him again. I missed him so much.
Hey, Akihito... You know what? I still remember your face, your voice, your laugh, your tears, and the way you called my name. I want to feel them again.
Hey, Akihito... I often go to the park we used to go, the park where we made our sign. Do you remember? People still didn't find out about it. Isn't that great? But that's not the point. I didn't go there for checking if everybody knows about it or not. To tell you the truth, I don't want them to find out. Why? Because it's something special for us, just the two of us. It is a proof that we love each other. It is a proof that I am special for you. Right? Then why are you disappearing?
Hey, Akihito... Where are you right now? Are you taller now? Is your voice become heavier? Every time I remember your face, my tears will start dripping again. I really want to go back to those days when I can see you, talk to you, touch you, feel you. I miss you so much.
Hey, Akihito... What are you doing right now? Are you doing fine? Are you crying? Are you smiling? Are you laughing? Are you sad? Are you happy? Do you think of me? Do you miss me? It used to be me who know everything about you first. It used to be me who know everything about you better than anybody else. But now I know nothing about you!
Hey, Akihito... I’m sorry for all the mistakes and trouble I’ve done to you, so please answer me. I am still waiting for you until now. I am not doing fine. I’m always crying every day. I’m forcing a smile, trying to laugh, but I am too sad. I can’t feel happy at all. I’m always thinking about you. I miss you so much, so please answer me.
Hey, Akihito... Where are you right now? Why can’t I see you? Here I am standing in front of our secret sign. I will always see you stand next to me when I’m standing here. You said that you will always be there for me. You said that we will always be together. Then, why can’t I see you? Why are you gone? Why are you leaving me behind? You’re gone forever! I will never ever see you again!
Hey, Akihito... Here I am standing in front of our secret sign. The wind is caressing me somehow. Is it the truth or just because I’m crying? Is that you who standing next to me? Why are you smiling like that? Are you happy seeing me cry like this? What? What are you saying? Go- goodbye? Thank you? Hey, wait! Where are you going? Is that all what you want to say? Akihito!
Hey, Akihito... I must admit that I was a fool who trapped in the past. I still remember your figure in my mind. I still could imagine the way you walk, talk, and touch me. Until now I still remember all of you so clearly. But, here I am walking through our way home, cherish every moment that we ever had. I’m not trapping in the past anymore. I want to cherish these past for the last time, so I can start a new day tomorrow.
Hey, Akihito... I will not ever forget you, since you ever be a part in my life. Losing you is the most painful thing I’ve ever felt, but I won’t run away from it. This painful is a proof that I ever have you in my life. This painful is the only thing that will connect us forever.
Goodbye and thank you for everything. I am fine now. I am not crying anymore. I fully realized that no matter how sad I am, the world is keep spinning round. There are so many thing that I need to be grateful of. The wind which blows me softly seems like bringing a new hope.
Now I would bravely said, “For me, he WAS everything...”