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Rated: 13+ · Sample · Fantasy · #2028251
"A british detective combats tax dodging zombies and the musical vampire mafia with witch"
The Pursuit of one last redeeming factor: A fantasy satire. (Sample Work)

Chapter 1

There are many times in life, when one will feel like a deer caught in a pair of tail-lights. A time when one is caught completely unguarded, like when parents barge in during a private session with mister left hand. Its those moments where most people are flustered, and completely unable to think of an excuse, and merely stares on at the person who dared to catch them in the act in the first place. At least, that was what the would be thief was thinking as she had one gloved hand inside an expensive looking glass case. The first thought that came to her mind was to either jump through the window three story building, or to simply stand there and let herself be once again thrown into a dark dank dungeon. Either options seemed highly unfavourable, as she stared onto the sharp dressing individual smoking a pipe. Today was just not her day. Today was just not her day.

Now the reader may wonder who is this tall, dashing rogue...hang on, this can't be right. Let's see here. Ah right, short, impish girl, sarcastic to the bones and very much a cheat who apparently has access to the editor's office, which a new set of locks won't even fix. The fact is, the midget, named Mute has a knack for going into places she's not allowed into, due to a mix of greed and pride. Adding to the combination of 'wonderful' traits would be kleptomania, with a slight pinch of sanity, or lack thereof. The icing on this lovely cake of crazy was the sheer brass neck of her deeds. The fact is, she was breaking into a lord's manor, within the gated community of the social elite, who often guard their dragon's horde of money, gold, and other valuables that the particularly cheeky thieves like Mute would gladly come to relieve them of. Tonight was rather unique, as she had found a jeweled pendant, with a diamond the size of her fist. It was also something that was aparently 'very' haunted, which brings us to why the intrepid 'supernatural detective' was there as well on that night.

You see dear reader, the young Travis Shaw was someone fascinated by the occult, to the fact that he nearly spent his family fortune to get to where he was today, both metaphorically and literally. For the object that sprung particular interest for him tonight was this red diamond; so named not because of its colour, but rather how many people had died in the history of this item of intrigue which sought this supernatural groupie on the same night that the impish thief was here. Not that the nature of said thief didn't intrigue him either. He saw how she turned into a small bird and flew through the open windows, before she landed and turned into small sullen being, cloak covering to the waist, with visible legs, pale yet soot covered. Alas, it wasn't any sort of hormone driven desire, as this man gets off on magical totems, not other human beings. Rather, he was also interested in how the various bombs dropped by the different countries was not causing much death, as apparently they weren't filled by radiation, but some mcguffin of an item that has caused a rise of creatures previously thought to be fictional or mythical. One such example was the venerable witch-thief in front of him, swooping in as an animal, all dark and mysterious, and stealing. Again however, don't mistake this for any sexual attraction, as our poor Travis would sooner kiss the cursed diamond then an actual female. That and scotch; the man absolutely loves this particular type of drink, and it's not due to a European stereotype.

Regardless of the particular interest that the intrepid supernatural detective had for the careless thief, she certainly wasn't intrigued. Clearly unlike her cheerful, and nae peers; that is to say the young demographics of star struck individuals who tend to fawn at the prospect of meeting a social elite. No, in fact she simply stares back at him with a face of contempt, and annoyance of being caught, akin to a spoiled child looking being displeased with having her hand caught in the cookie jar. Only in this case, said cookie jar was an expensive case, filled with what could be a world ending blood diamond.

Eventually, the silence and the fact that she was still nabbing the piece of historical artifact despite of his presence prompted Travis to speak out, saying "I'd hate to interrupt your thievery of my client's precious stone, but I'd like to point out that said object is a tad bit cursed, to say the least"

This gave Mute pause, as she lifts up the large diamond pendant to her eye level, studying it with a curious gaze. She looked almost into it, admiring it rather than fearing it. She didn't respond to Travis, merely looking to the doom stone with her purple eyes. She'd then look to him with an almost sadistic smile, almost daring him as her entire posture spoke of a challenging manner, despite her tiny size.

Unlike most who simply frighten at the prospect of dealing with the unknown, Travis merely crossed his arms, almost shaking his well combed hair as he continues, "You know I can't let you leave with that."

This causes Mute to simply lean on the glass case, making a rather sarcastic circular hand gesture, as if to simply say, 'so?' while she  yawned, polishing the all important carbon based jewel with her sleeve. it was almost as if she was silently trying to get a rise from the man; to get him into a position of bitterness where she can predict exactly how to use him like a sort of hairy sock puppet. Only no chances of puppet molestation. 

However, the good Travis Shaw was a gentlemen of Borough Enfield, who wouldn't be easily let his emotions affect his actions. Well that would be what we'd be paid to tell you if we were a high budget entertainment arts industry. However, since the poor narrator is of course a pretentious, self-aware one, he regrets to inform you that the real reason that while Travis is not angry as is his gentlemen manner, but at the same time, he is quite a dense one, believing firmly in a code of justice and honour. So instead, what he does is try to turn the 'fair, nae, Mute away from the lucrative art of robbery.

"Why not use your unique abilities to do good?" He'd say, "You have a responsibility as you have such great power over other people"

In response, what the young shape shifting thief did was look him right in the eye as she takes the diamond, holding it up in a silent soliloquy, lamenting on past deeds, while quietly blaming her upbringing to a tragic loss, resulting in her great fall of grace from the respectable girl to her current state as a thief, forced into necessity and need. She'd go on to one knee in her epic tale of redemption, shunning  a regular life in favour of her dark and singular path, all while communicating using only body language. Then comes a flourish, as she gives an emotional, yet silent reasoning to why she cannot take to the light of justice, as she was forced into a bitter vengence, and too far gone to be able to once more face the burning glory of the straight and narrow. Perhaps the reader would even believe her, if not the fact that as your humble narrator, it is one's duty to inform you that no, she's actually quite clearly lyingh. Not that dear Travis would know.

Travis would then sigh, holding up his gentlemenly chest as he goes into his own solo speech, "It is not too late, you can still do good. All are not above redemption in the- !"

At this, Mute grew tired of the game, shaking her head as she proceeds to walk up to him. She'd slowly give him a sarcastic look as she raise her hands up, almost as if she was surrendering. However, before he'd put cuffs onto her hands, she'd flipped the bird, before turning into a bird, thus clutching the powerful world ending diamond in her talons, while flapping off, chirping victoriously. Sad to say, but this would have been the end of what little humanity had; forever more ruled by a tiny midget of a witch.

Mute, as a bird would fly high up, away from the grasping hands as it looped in circles about the room, before aiming towards the open window, all while chirping similar to a maniacal laughter.  Alas, due to the weight of the precious gem, would cause it to fall, plummeting towards the marble floors. She'd plunge after it, attempting to save it as she flew closer, and closer, almost reaching with her beak as seconds became more and more tense. Finally, she'd grip the chains of the pendant, thus almost saving the all important mcguffin, if not for the fact the stone itself had already reached the ground, shattering somehow despite the fact it was a dense carbon item made from the high heats of the earth. Perhaps it was due to its magical nature, or the fact it was not truly made of diamond as others have claimed. Either way the object that could of destroyed or ruled the world was broken, thus once again, leaving humanity to its own devices. Not like mankind needs help fucking itself, when they did blow up half the world and killed most of life on earth with the discovery of the nuclear bomb. Either way, whatever halfhearted plans of the impish she-devil had, was for the most part, down the drain.


Fiery Wither Rose

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