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Rated: E · Monologue · Biographical · #2035102
Being honest about what I really love in life -- Men -- Knowing it expands me spiritually.
When looking to the definitive "man's man" authority of times past, often one would be directed to Ernest Hemingway and/or the characters which came from his hand. I am a dull, blunt instrument. This is what I thought Hemingway wrote in the preface of the short story collection. I quickly scan my eyes over it again, "...you dull and blunt the instrument..." it says actually; his reference to the writer's pencil. But, I admit -- it's as if Hemingway were speaking, saying to me, "you dull and blunt instrument."

James Franco grew up with his family in Palo Alto, George Lucas grew up in Modesto, John Steinbeck in Salinas, and I knew Hemingway was a student of the world. I am a native Californian considering a trial period out of this "paradise" state. I have lived in several suburban locales of Southern California, as well as a two-year stint in downtown Los Angeles. So, my thinking is that living in suburban California has dulled my drive to live successfully.

I probably have spent twenty percent of my life watching TV and film; stories that romanticize relationships between the sexes persist as my favorites. The American President, Ladyhawke, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, James Bond films -- the male lead doesn't have to be beach-bronzed beautiful (although there's nothing more distracting than when Chris Hemsworth does a shirtless Thor scene.) And it comes as a shock to my husband when I announce thirty years later being attracted to Egon (the 80's Ghostbusters movie character portrayed by that film's scriptwriter, the late, great, Harold Ramis). I tell him it is to his credit, that natural selection makes me attracted to the most intelligent.

Charm is my stronger addiction, possibly.

If charm is something a woman can master, I must not be atuned to recognize it coming from a woman.

The men who have spent their lives talking through mis-steps in order to learn a better approach for the next conversation -- A man that can do that has charm and intellect, and I will stay to pay attention to much of what he will share. Is that the real skill of those in the acting profession? I have always admired the actors that don't shy away from press junket interviews, for they show a resilience -- sometimes proving their words need not all be scripted. And at the same time, I also stand behind actors who shun the promotion, in valuing their own personal right to stay private.

I give high credit to a friend, a male former-colleague, who offered a parting hug and the words, "You're a good soul." Not only did it strike me deep, telling me something about myself, it related important information to me about his own soul.

When I write, it is vital that I represent humanity honestly. I feel I never could have made commercially successful film scripts since so much characterization is narrowly presented via canned one-liners and exposition included to carry along the audience lowest common denominator.

I watched the 2015 movie, Sufferagette, from Ruby Films (mostly known for documentary features); I bring this up because it is distressing to have the veil of innocence ripped away. Part of my admiration of men I know is based on fictional portrayal and wished for blending of ideal characteristics.

Created: March 19th, 2015 at 3:07pm
Modified: September 19th, 2016 at 2:00am
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