Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2043504-The-Man-of-her-Dreams
by DJF
Rated: E · Essay · Comedy · #2043504
A student's romantic plans (written in July 2011)
Dear Diary:

I saw her walking to class today and my heart skipped a beat. She was wearing a Blink 182 t-shirt, and I have to assume she's doing so ironically, sort of like saying, "I didn't care about the punk-pop of the early 2000s, 'cause I was busy liking good, real music, and not that infantile MTV nonsense. But I was aware of it and thought it was stupid." Or she might just like Blink 182, which would be cool too, 'cause I liked that one song that they had.

I coughed pretty loud to get her to look at me, but not so loud that she'd think I was sick and possibly contagious. She didn't look at me, but she might've heard me, so I feel like today was totally a step in the right direction.

I feel like my next move will be to position myself within earshot and then act like I'm talking to someone on the phone, saying things like, "Mom and dad bought me the entire Battlestar Galactica series on DVD," so she'll know I come from money and that I have impeccable taste in TV shows. Anyone that would wear a Blink 182 shirt ironically just HAS to love Battlestar.

Once she hears that and looks over to see me, she'll note that I'm wearing the same Blink 182 shirt that she owns (since I bought it on ebay when I got home today), and that's like the perfect conversation starter. If she doesn't mention it, I will.

I assume we'll go out for coffee and she'll notice right off the bat how much smarter and funnier I am than anyone else she's ever met. I'll mix in just the right amount of Battlestar references and just let her melt in my hand. I imagine we'll make quite the scene at the coffeeshop as we totally make-out hardcore.

Then she'll probably take me home to meet her folks, and we'll get along swimmingly. She'll boast about how funny I am, and I'll say things like, "Sweetie, please, you're embarrassing me," but really I'll be enjoying it. Her dad will be relieved that she found a nice young man and her mom will feel just a tinge of envy, but not so much that it would cause problems between them. I imagine they're pretty close, and I wouldn't want our love tearing them apart. It is a very real possibility, though, and I have to be prepared for it.

They'll insist that I stay for dinner and I imagine that my being a strict vegan won't present any problems at all.

Then we'll play a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit, where I'll do my best to make them all feel pretty stupid, so they respect me more.

At about midnight, since it will be a Wednesday and we'll all have work and class in the morning, I'll do a fake yawn and tell them it's about time I head back to my dorm. They'll beg me to stay, and I'll probably end up staying another hour, sipping on her mom's homemade cocoa and listening to her dad's stories about the 1990s. Then I'll give everyone a hug, including grandma, who's been in a rocking chair the whole time, and I'll make my way out. I'll probably overhear grandma saying something like, "I like him; he's a good boy," and I'll smile and wave and act like I didn't hear her.

Yeah, Diary, I'll touch base with you Thursday and let you know how it all turned out. I can't imagine it'll be much different than what I've laid out, though, so... don't get your hopes up too high or anything.
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