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Rated: 13+ · Assignment · Comedy · #2044741
A brief story using 80's sitcom titles.
The woman with long wavy brown hair walked into the bar.

Roseanne, I’ll have a white wine.”

The blond bartender with a low cut blouse and a tattoo in her cleavage nodded and grabbed a glass.

A slightly stocky man about the same age walked over, “Hi, I’m Alf. I haven’t seen you here before.”

“Look, I’m just meeting my friends.”

“Hey, I’m married with children. I’m not here to meet girls. I just come in to get away from my mother-in-law a couple of nights a week. She lives with us. I know most of the regulars. I’m just friendly.”

She nodded.

“If you’re looking for Kate and Allie, they’re gone already.”

“No. My co-workers are Laverne and Shirley.”

“They’re playing crappy music tonight. What do you like to listen to?”

“No local stations. WKRP in Cincinnati.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever heard them. Here’s my Bosom Buddies.”

Two nice looking middle aged men walked up to the bar.

One spoke up, “Two Coors.”

Alf circled around the woman to shake hands. “This is John. He’s got a Full House, like me. This is Ryan. He’s got an Empty Nest. I never got your name.”

The woman nodded hello, and said, “Alice.”

“Nice to meet you, Alice,” said Ryan. He lifted his bottle, and said, “Cheers.”

“Cheers”, they all responded and took a swig.

A tall woman in jeans appeared from the back, and looking around, said abruptly, “Roseanne, get a tray of glasses off the dishwasher rack.”

“We have plenty out here already.”

“Do I need to remind you who’s the boss?”

Roseanne said nothing, but walked into the back.

Alf nodded in her direction, speaking to Alice, “Now that’s Murphy Brown, owner of this fine establishment.”

Murphy looked up, shaking her head. “That probably didn’t sound very nice in front of customers, but sometimes you just have to come down on your employees like a sledge hammer.”

Finally, two nicely dressed women in their 30’s came in.

“Oh, hi, Alice. Sorry we’re late. Shirley had some family matters to tend to first. Well, we both had some wine. Maybe I had more. We barely missed another car coming down the highway.”

“Even with a glass of wine, that was too close for comfort. We came in her car, so if she has another drink, I’m going home in a taxi.”

“Save enough cash for a cab, then. I’ve had a rough day, and tomorrow will be bad, too. I’m having a 7 & 7.”

Roseanne was back, heard her, and mixed the drink.

Alf looked at Lavern, “I think I’ve seen you in here before. My name is Alf.”

“I’m Laverne. I’m just getting through a divorce, so I’m bitter and stressed.”

He chuckled and nodded his head. “You can only take it one day at a time. You’ll get through. Me, I’m lucky. I have a great wife. It’s her mother I can’t stand.”

John grinned. “Those family ties could kill you. I’m lucky, too. I have a good wife, and my in-laws live far away. I just have to get out of the house once in a while. I use cheering Ryan up as my excuse.”

“You guys do sound lucky. Shirley and I live in a different world. That’s for sure.”

Alf looked at his watch. “Oh, gee. I’ve got to go. My oldest won’t go to bed until I get home, so I’ve got to hustle. Goodnight, all.”

To Alice, he leaned in, and said in a low voice, “An hour ago, we were perfect strangers.”
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