A young girls thoughts on the world she's leaving behind
|I don't know why mommy is crying so much. I am acting like it doesn't hurt. I'm pretending to be numb to the pain and pretending to be happy. How could she see through it? I sit up on my white bed and stare at the tiny tv on the wall playing my little pony. She stands up as the nice man walks back in he smiles at me and says, "Good morning sweetie." "Good morning!" I say trying to keep the fear out of my voice. They leave and chat in the hallway. Daddy is still staring out the window. His eyes are puffy and red like he was crying. I stare at him and I say "Daddy?" He turns and smiles he walks over and holds my hand. "Yes?" "Are you okay?" He smiles. "I'm fine honey." I sit there and we talk about little things like how the man next door is so sweet on how he stops by everyday to say hi. I hear mommy cry harder. Daddy looks like he's about to burst out crying. He hugs me and repeats "I love you" over and over. Mommy walks back in crying and the doctor looks at me and informs me that I'll be having a surgery done. He looks at my mom and she shakes her head. The doctor nods and says you have ten minutes before we have to take her into the surgery room. His eyes were shiny I think he was trying not to cry. He walked out. Mommy walks over crying and she sits next time. She hugs me and says. "Sweetie when they take you in for surgery when you close your eyes you'll take a little nap. The next time you open your eyes if you don't see us you'll see a man who will welcome you with open arms. He will not hurt you he is a nice man you do not need to be afraid." I know who she is talking about. She is talking about that man we see in church. I know I'm dying from cancer. But for their sake I will continue acting like it doesn't hurt or that I'm afraid. I will act innocent and happy to keep them happy as much as I can. I know I'm only 6 but I am aware of what happens in the world. I can read numbers and understand percentages. The chart said I have a 30% chance of surviving the surgery because I'm too young. I nod as she talks. And say I love them. Then three people come in here and they sart to roll me out of the room. I want to scream and cry and beg for them to do something. But I smile and I do not cry. I just wave goodbye and smile until I can't see them anymore. But I can hear them. I can hear their cries. I start to tear up but i swallow and I stay strong for them. As they make the preparations and put me on the new bed. And lay my bald head flat. The new doctor smiles at me. "Your one tough cookie aren't you." I smile and nod my head. I can see sorrow and determination on his face. I trust him. Okay we are gonna help you fall asleep. He is about to put a pink mask over my face and I tell him wait. I look around the room I look and try to take in as much as I can then I suck in a deep breath and I nod. He puts it on. I start smelling this kind of bubble gum scent that's really strong. It kind of grosses me out. I start to painic as I start feeling tired my body is tingly and I am starting to think about what it's like in heaven. Then I doze off thinking of heaven and getting an angel as my new friend and listening to all the sounds of the hospital.
I open my eyes. I hear sighs of relief and tears. I look up and mommy and daddy are here. They are crying but they don't look that sad. I'm still a little tired but I stay awake. We talk and I can giggle for real this time. Mommy and daddy are smiling and hugging me. The doctor is smiling and he quietly walks out the room. I made it through the surgery. It's a miracle. I stare out the window and smile. And I thank god for a second chance at life.