What's your problem?
RUNNER-UP in The Dialogue 500 Contest, July 2015, by W.D.Wilcox
(Prompt: A conversation between you and your mirror)
FEATURED in the WDC Newsletter - Comedy: Did I Read That Right? - Editor's Picks, by OhWhataTangle WebŴitch Weaves , August 12, 2015
“Hey there, it's me. Good Morning!”
“Yes, it's me, your mirror. I look like you --- but it's me. I have a personality of my own, you know, so don't look so surprised. Mirrors are "people" and have feelings, so look at me and shut your mouth. You're so silly. We need to talk.”
“This is not happening...”
“ Yes it is, and it's about time!”
“What do you mean?”
“I have followed you everywhere you go in your life: in different sizes and shapes, different places and countries, but mostly here, where I live, in this big one, right here in your bathroom.”
“Really? You can do that?”
“Yes. Come on. Listen to me.”
“You need to stop, and go for it. Seriously.”
“All the teeth whitening crazy thing you are up to, with little sticky strips that are difficult to attach --- it drives me crazy --- you just stay there, looking at your teeth, staring at them for minutes and minutes, wondering why they don't become whiter, sticking your tongue out, then in, and swiping your tongue over your teeth back and forth! And when I see you walk into the bathroom with...”
“With teeth whitening gels, toothpaste, bleaching trays, and different rinses... I go nuts! I swear!"
“Well, I am trying to look younger, have a “clean look”, brighter teeth. What's wrong with that, Mr. MIRROR?”
“I get it. I get it, but they will whiten in due time, not overnight! Then... the thing with your grey roots.”
“Now, what's wrong with that, HUH? Tell me! Tell me!”
“Let them grow a little ... before you bring all those different root re-touches or root touch-ups!”
“And what's wrong with hair coloring? I don't like going to salons. I like doing it myself. I want to get a boost! I want to AGE DEFY! What's your problem?”
"I understand. I get it... but don't YOU get it?"
"Get what? Get what?"
"For your age, you look great. Remember, nowadays, the 60 is the new 50!"
"Aww... I do? Really???"
"Yes! So please stop all this nonsense, and enjoy your life while you still can, be happy, find yourself a match in eHarmony or Match.Com, even in Farmers Only!"
"I guess I could do that but..."
"You look great, trust me! Would I lie to you?"
"OK. Hey ... can I ask you something?"
"I wanted to know if you can see my wrinkles. Can you see them? Here, look! Which moisturizer should I buy? Jergens age defying multi-vitamins moisturizer? Revitol? Clinique? Lancome? An age defying MATURE skin day lotion?"
"Oh my... this will NEVER end. I want to go back in time --- when you quickly looked at me, brushed your teeth and washed your face with soap."
"Hum, you are so right, you know, so right. But let's talk about those moisturizers..."
Word Count: 485