What happens when a wolf detective gives his pet werekitten a cardboard box?
|It was an off day at the Ashcroft Detective Agency in that the duo was currently between cases. Of course, that was the normal for this agency, but it wasn't considered polite to point this out. At least that was what Odin Ashcroft told the landlord anytime they showed up wanting to know why the rent hadn't been paid yet.
However, just because one didn't have enough money to pay the rent didn't mean they couldn't buy themselves expensive gifts every now and then. Wait, actually, not being able to pay the rent was a very good reason not to go buying oneself expensive gifts. Nonetheless, there was a large brown box sitting in the office. The gray wolf was currently removing a shining new computer tower from the box that seemed to make the entire room glow brighter when his kitten partner walked in.
"OH MY GOSH!" Calex gave a shout as he saw the new computer and the box. "I thought we didn't have enough money rent! Yet, this looks really expensive. Odin?" The kitten turned and looked stared at the wolf with bright innocent eyes.
"Um." Odin shifted uncomfortably under the kitten's stare and adjusted his coat. "About that the thing is..." He started.
"Odin how were we able to afford this awesome box!?" The kitten interrupted him.
"What?" Odin blinked, completely caught off guard as the conversation went in a way different direction than he was expecting. "The box?"
"Yes, the box." Calex replied. "How did you get it, you didn't spend money on a box when we're still behind on the rent did you?" The kitten narrowed his eyes and gave the wolf an accusatory look.
"Um... No..." The wolf slowly replied. "I did not... The box was free."
"They gave away an entire box for free?" Calex asked.
"Yes." Said Odin his voice completely flat. "It came with the computer." This was followed by a very long moment of silence as the kitten stared at the wolf. If the wolf was capable of sweating his fur would have been drenched.
"Oh okay." Calex responded. "If it was free I guess no harm done. So, um, you using the box right now?"
"No?" Odin asked not entirely sure how he had just gotten off the hook.
"Can I have a turn with it!?" Calex asked excitedly. "Pleeeeeeease I promise not to break it! I'll only knead the cardboard a bit inside the box!" The kitten's tail was twitching as his ears stood straight up and whiskers pointed forward. He was bouncing on the tips of his toes as he stared hungrily at the box.
"Well okay." Odin replied regaining his composure. "But I hope you know this comes as a huge imposition to my future plans, but since it means that much, alright. Just remember this later!"
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" The kitten gave a cry and leapt across the room and landed in the cardboard box. "Aheheheh." He giggled madly to himself while turning in circles on all fours in the box.
"Happy?" The wolf asked.
"I am the King of Boxington." Calex responded in a voice that rang with authority. "None shall pass our borders without paying the toll, for as the king it is my sacred duty to maintain the safety of integrity of my kingdom."
"Of course it is." Odin walked over and reached a hand down to ruffle the kitten's headfur. "Alright, I'm going to take my computer back into the back room to set things up. You don't get into any trouble."
"A king wise king does not seek trouble." Calex responded. "But instead seeks only stability."
"Good kitten." Odin replied before patting him again. "I think. Alright you have fun." With that the wolf picked up the computer tower that had come out of the box and headed through a door into another room leaving the kitten alone in his box.
Ten Minutes Later
The door Odin had disappeared behind opened again as the wolf returned to the main room of the office.
"Hey Calex, did I leave a manual laying around in here and HOLY!" The wolf shouted as he entered the room. "WHAT!?"
His surprise came from the fact that the office was now covered in cardboard boxes. They were stacked up on the floor in the shapes of building, stacked on the office furniture, and even a few of them were suspended from the ceiling by string. The orange werekitten was sitting on top of a pile of boxes that had been stacked up almost all the way to the ceiling.
"What happened!?" Odin cried.
"My kingdom expanded." Calex explained sitting crouched atop his box.
"It's only been ten minutes!" Odin shouted.
"It was a rapid expansion." Calex replied. "We had a really good city planner and chief financial officer." The kitten pointed to another box where there was a plushie of a lioness sitting on top of it. "She's really good at what she does."
"But that doesn't." Odin started. "I mean it. How would it. Ten minutes, and, where did you even get all these boxes?"
"We've established trade routes with a number of foreign powers in order to import construction materials." Calex explained. "We're big on exporting luxury materials that we ensure to only produce the highest quality of to obtain a maximum profit. We then invest the money in construction and expansion creating ample job opportunities for our citizens and leading to further economic growth and a strong national currency."
"I have, SO MANY QUESTIONS!" Odin started.
"I'm afraid they're going to have to wait." The werekitten jumped down from his box. "The United Nations has called in a meeting. Due to our rapid expansion the Kingdom of Boxington has made some of our neighboring countries uncomfortable." Before any further explanations could be given the kitten had left the office through the front door and disappeared down the street.
"But... I... How?" Odin took a deep breath and sighed. "He's just doing this to mess with me isn't he?" He walked towards the front office door slowly closed it after the kitten had left. He reassured himself that the fewer questions he asked the happier he would be about the situation. He had turned away from the door and started back towards his private room when there was a knock on the door. He spun back around and opened it only to find himself face to face with a reindeer dressed in a black army suit and beret.
"It's about time do you know how long I've been waiting?" The deer demanded in a gruff voice.
"Considering you weren't there when I closed the door." Odin started.
"I will not take such cheekiness from a servant!" The deer shouted.
"Hey, I am not a servant! I own this office!" Odin shouted back.
"So you're the King of Boxington? You don't look like what they print on their money!" The deer retorted.
"But!" Odin opened his mouth, then shut it again, then opened it, then shut it again. He took several minutes to considering what had just been said. "Of course I'm not the King of Boxington! This is my detective agency! Boxington is just some game my kitten was playing!"
"The world economy is no game!" The deer replied. "I'm a major general of the Canadian army. I'm here to talk to the King of Boxington about the economic and political pressure he has been putting on our country! Canada will not be pushed around! And if he will not meet with me then we will consider ourselves at war."
"Okay look I don't fully understand what's going on." Odin started.
"Clearly." The general replied.
"Mature." Odin replied dryly. "But it's clear there has been some misunderstanding. Boxington is just a game. Calex's kingdom; it's a bunch of cardboard boxes. Boxes I'm still not clear on how he got, but boxes nonetheless. He doesn't possess any actual economic or political power."
"Then how did he steal our seat at the United Stations!?" The general demanded.
"I'm not even sure stealing seats is a thing that can be done!" Odin retorted.
"I will not stand for this insult to have our concerns dismissed like this!" The general shouted. "As of now, Canada and Boxington are at war! Good day sir!" With that the general turned and marched away from the office. Odin slowly shut the door after he left.
"I'm sure, that wasn't a real international incident." Odin assured himself. "This is all some kind of game that has gotten out of hand, but I'm sure there's no international incident." He was cut off from his thoughts as the front door suddenly slammed open as the orange kitten returned.
"We've got trouble." Calex spoke up. "Canada has their army sitting on our borders; we're outgunned in that they have three tanks to every one of ours. I've appealed to the United Nations for help, but they seem to think we've started it by insulting some national representative. I don't recall ever meeting with any kind of major general from Canada though."
"Okay, now I know this is a trick." Odin replied. "There are no tanks on our front yard." He walked to the door and looked outside, only to see an entire armada of tanks lined up in his front yard. "Okay, maybe there are. Explanation, now."
"No time for that!" Calex shouted. "I've called in our chief military advisor on how to approach the situation." He pointed out a plush doll of a dark blue pony sitting atop one box. "Alright, what do you propose?" Calex addressed the doll.
Odin watched Calex in silence, as the werekitten nodded eagerly to the doll. The doll of course didn't say anything. It was just a plush toy. It wasn't even one of those toys that you squeeze or pull a sting to make it talk, just a normal one. Still, Calex acted as if it was talking to him and that he was eagerly accepting it's advice.
"Got it, so we'll withdraw as many of our units as possible, and go for aerial strikes with mustard bombs on clustered enemy units to reduce their numbers before they try to breach our territory. We'll open the gates and let them in, only to have the previous forced that retreated march on them from behind and our city forces march at them from the front. We'll completely surround them and refuse anything other than an unconditional surrender."
"Wait mustard bombs? Are you advocating chemical warfare?" Odin asked. "Calex this has gone on to-" The wolf was cut off again, as there was a loud crash outside. The wolf opened the door and looked, and saw that all the tanks in the front yard were covered in mustard. "Oh, it... Was actual literal mustard, not mustard gas."
"Odin I don't have time to talk right now." Calex ran out the open door. "The United Nations has called an emergency meeting. I'm going to appeal to them one more time to interfere in this war. I don't know how much longer our people can hold out." With that the kitten was gone having run past the tanks and down the street.
Odin slowly shut the door and slumped onto the floor against a wall. He was feeling a bit frazzled by these events now. When there was another knock at the door he didn't even bother to answer it this time. It wasn't until they continued to knock louder and louder until he was worried they might knock the door down that the wolf finally picked himself up and answered the door.
"Yes?" He asked as he opened the door.
"You must think you're funny." It was the Canadian general again. "Using mustard to gum up our tank treads! Boxington clearly doesn't fight an honorable war! Well I hope you're happy. We're got no choice to surrender now. You may have won this war, but no that you'll never break out spirits." The general turned away from Odin and marched away, and much to the wolf's relief the tanks also moved away from the office.
At this point, the wolf moved over to his desk, produced a large two liter of soda from beneath it, collapsed into his chair and then started to drink straight from the bottle. He really needed the drink. It was another twenty minutes before the kitten showed up again through the front door.
"Apparently you won your war with Canada." Odin replied not looking up from the bottle of soda in his hand.
"Oh that?" Calex sounded uninterested. "I got bored playing king. It's boring everyone expects you to go to meetings and stuff. I think I wanna play a different game now."
"Over just like that?" Odin looked up from his bottle of soda and then blinked. All the boxes that had occupied the room were gone. The only one that was left was the original box he had given the kitten.
"Yeah. Politics are boring." Calex explained. "I think I want to play race cards next." With that the kitten hopped into the one remaining box and started making 'Vrooom vroom noises."
"Uh huh." The wolf sat up in his chair and stared at the kitten for a moment. "I'll tell you what. I'll play with you." He picked up the box with the kitten in it and walked out the front door carrying both. "Okay, tell me which way to go!"
With that, the wolf started running around outside carrying the kitten in the box, both of them making race car noises and lost in the fantasy. Plus, Odin figured as long as he was here, he could make sure it stayed a fantasy. The idea of the werekitten somehow getting an actual formula 1 racing car was far too much to conceive. Making sure he was entertained with just the box was a much better alternative.
And in the end, both of them had a lot of fun that afternoon.