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Rated: 13+ · Poetry · Death · #2049911
reflection on a miscarriage to my lost child
Baby lost

Baby, you left during butterfly migration
that makes me expect you to have wings when I meet you on the spiritual plane
I am sorry that I was not a fit home for you so that you would stay
So that I could have known of you before you had already begun to leave
Everyone says it is not my fault
They mean well
But all that matters is what you feel
At the moments leading to and of departure
I know what I felt
not just emotionally
spiritually and of course
All my blood you took from me as you fled left me...
so cold
not just physically
spiritually and of course
I hope you were never cold
in me
or when you left me
if you released all that blood to stay warm for that journey, I understand,
what is mine is yours
If you were trying to take me with you, and
if that was because you needed your Mama, then thank you
for trying
and sorry I went to the hospital instead of joining you
If you see your sisters and brother from where you are
I hope then you know why I had to stay
I wear a mother's birthstone ring of their birth months and it includes October
the month you left me
That way,
I still carry you
I remember what little I got to know of you
I want to know more
That is not my right, and I know that
If I lost you because you were angry that I did not take care of myself well enough
to take care of you, then I deserved it
I had a suspicion you were in me, baby
but was too caught up in this world's chaos and my own mess
to know for sure
I should have known
I am sorry
Parting is also all I know of the one who everyone says loves me most
I hope he is holding you
When I meet you both
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