just a little bit about my self
|You might read what i have to say, but you don't really know me. But to be honest I'm not even completly sure i know me.
if you have any comments or questions please write me a review i do love reading them. :)
But anyways. Im an 18 year old female that lives in Canada and i guess i nothing close to normal. If you asked someone to describe me, the first thing to pop out of their mouth would probably be "weird" or "silly" but I'm okay with that. Self love you guys, self love.
As a child i was chubby or even fat, you can call it what you want to but it is what it is, i was okay with it my body image never bothered me, in my little 10 year old head i was a good person and thats all that mattered to me. I was happy.
Ive grown up with my five sisters and my mom and dad, i have no other family in Canada but in my opinion five sisters are enough, how much more family could i ask for.
I am a Canadian-Pakistani Muslim, and despite what you hear, Canada is a blessed place to live. I am thankful for it everyday.
Now back to me being a fat kid. Though i was fat i was very active, if someone asked me to do something for them there was no way i could say no. I would drop everything and do what they asked me, i just liked helping people. you could have slapped me and i would've started laughing. I was like a mini santa clause.
Around the age of eleven i started to lose weight rapidly, to the people around me it was normal for around two months (puberty age) but it was not reasonable at all. i lost around 60 pounds in two months alone, and as a child it did not look good to my parents at all. After my weight hit 80 pounds and still decreasing we knew we had a problem.
i wasn't eating, i didn't have the energy to be as active as i was before, i couldn't listen to anyone. All i would do was sleep. When i would wake up i would complain about being hungry but i had no appetite for anything at al. it got to s point where my dad would sit me in the car and go where ever i wanted just so i would put something into my body. I couldn't eat, and when i would i would throw it up or go to the bathroom right away.
Mom took me to over 20 walk-in clinics but everyone would tell her that I'm just beginning to enter puberty and my body is changing and its normal. Eventually i had many tests including a colonoscopy done in which they finally confirmed i have a chronic disease called Ulcerative colitis, in which the intestine swells and develops open sores.
As you can see I've lived most of my life with Colitis and i will live the rest of my life with it too. Its not something i have a problem with or even feel bad for my self about. Everyone has their problems and this just happened to be mine.
According to my specialist i will have to be on medications my whole life but to me that is complete BULLSHIT.
four years into my treatment i stopped taking my medications (i was on immune depressors and i am not suppose to take them when i get sick, but i just forgot to start again) and i never ended up starting again, this was completely up to me, my mom didn't know about my decision till a few months in of me not being on any medications.
Now i was off my meds but again i have always been an active person. i use to go to the YMCA and play games since i was small, i wasn't very good at all of them but i loved running around and playing. after i hit 13 i stared conditioning classes and eventually weight/ strength training on my own.
Being active kept my already iron defficient blood flowing and i just loved it. i loved the feeling of my blood flowing, my heat racing, of being tired after and even being sore the next day. It let me know that i pushed my self and did something with the body I've been given, not only that but it helped me maintain my weight, i gained as much weight as i could all in healthy, lean muscle mass. I didn't need my meds to feel great, exercise and a great diet did all of that for me.
i was medication free for over a year, till ramadan hit (the month of fasting for muslims) and as some one with a medical condition i am not obligated to fat, i shouldn't be fasting at all but i felt left out, and it just didn't feel like ramadan without fasting. So i did fast, i felt like everyone else, till i realized I'm not like everyone else.
With the open sores in my stomach, gas can be very painful. as the gas passes over my internal cuts i develop cramps worse than before, and that is how i learned i should never be on a completely empty stomach. i lost 20 pound of my muscle mass.
So my mom took me back... I hated every second of going back, i really did, it made me feel like someone that broke their arm doing something very stupid. But despite me not listening to my doctor he still helped me get back on my feet and reach my heath, calling me a stupid teenager that does not like to listen in the process, but its true, i am a stupid teenager that does not like to listen. after all i didn't listen to him.
And just like that i was back in the loop of prescription medications. It isn't even like i wanted to be eating them, i had to. A lot of them had side effects that were a million times worse than my symptoms alone.
I was Prescribed Prednisone (a corticosteroid) and being on so many different meds helped me educate my self about these different meds and also sparked my interest in exercise science. corticosteroids are usually given to patience with diseases like arthritis , lupus, colitis, asthma and more, diseases where the body does not now what the problem is so it begins to attack its own cells. they are a type of steroid that helps grow back that cell tissue. In my case it was prescribed to grow flesh over my open sores inside my intestine so my body will do its job and absorb nutrients from my food.
I know they only put me on tho medication because i need it but, there are over almost 50 side effects, some which include depression and suicidal thoughts, stress and more. and I'm not going to lie i was stressed out and i had no idea why. I never experienced any side effects till after i ACTUALLY hit puberty (which was when i was 15, so after 4 years of them blaming my bodies changes on puberty... funny)
After that they gave me immune depressors as i mentioned before, to slow down my immune system so it doesn't attack my body "the apparent threat", all was going well, no present side effects except for the fact that i kept getting sick, developed a blood infection which almost turned into blood poisoning, i got strep throat around two times in one month, and i got infectious mono. All of this caused my mom to google the side effects to see if those will be present any time soon. How funny, a side effect of this medication could be a increased risk to cancer and various other diseases.
I dont understand why doctors put us on medications that have side effects worse than my actual symptoms that he is trying to treat. Why i really i don't understand. If my condition got really bad and it was all just to get me back to a stable condition i understand, but if I'm fine and all of this is to "maintain" my disease.. it escapes my mind.
After all of this i have decided to be off of my meds again, this time i know not to fast. Not only that but I'm almost 18, I'm an adult and if it does get to the point where i need to seek medical care, i will , i have nothing against it. I am thankful for all of the help i have received, but i think its time to try something different.
If i keep consistent with my workouts and my healthy lifestyle i feel i will be able to get rid of my disease, its empowering to be in control of your life and you can't do that when you are a drug mule of any kind.