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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2060601-Youll-Never-Know
Rated: 18+ · Poetry · Gay/Lesbian · #2060601
Love is complicated
I wish I could tell you about the time
his hand graced my inner thigh as his
girlfriend poured drinks in the kitchen,
ten feet away, completely oblivious in
her sad, little blouse and bouncing
blond ponytail. Or the time we sat
on the hood of my car, replaying our
memories like movie clips for each
other, highlighted trailers of our best
moments, the rest disregarded
completely until we lifted our shirts
and compared our scars, traced them
along each other's ribs with the tips
of our fingers, nails chewed to the
quick. I could fill a black hole with
our ups and downs, years of quiet
reprieve followed by the mounting
weight pressed against my chest
cavity, begging to be freed once
and for all. I wish I could give the
words a simple meaning that would
explain all the things I never told you-
never could, or maybe didn't want to
as your legs bounced in my peripheral.
I was too scared to meet your gaze,
stuck inside my own mind where I
felt safe and smooth, all the while my
frame was rough like crumbling
brick you could dig your nails into
and come back with a free margin
full of ash. I wish I could tell you
where I've been, or what I've been,
rather... and watch your eyes light
up with interest or burn with anger
as I draw infinity eights against
my palm, waiting for any reaction
that might quicken my pulse or
make my breath catch in my throat.
I want you to know how he holds
my head up and cups my face,
running his thumb along the strong
lines of my jaw when I need it the
most. Forget it. Add this to the fire,
and watch the flame grow. It's just
another thing you'll never know.
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