Intro / Chapter one
Most of my life has been spent looking for answers,
this is my life's story, my journey into the unknown; How
I found the truth hidden in a weave of lies. I wanted it on record,
first for my children, family and friends ; Then anyone who would
dare to hear the truth.
The rude awakening
As a four year old, I was excited to play outside. Supper was done ,
the sun was shining , plenty of time before bed.
Then suddenly the sun was gone, it was dark, and boy was my mother mad.
She was screaming ," where were you, we've been looking for you for two hours".
I couldn't tell her, cause I didn't know, I was standing in the same spot, I just
got there, blinked and it was dark, and every time I closed my eyes , I saw an
image. You know when you stare at a light bulb too long, close your eyes and its
imprinted, that's how this image was.
It was a round circle, it had an Indian in it with a bow and arrow, wearing a
pleated skirt. It didn't have braids, Its hair was like a helmet.( Later when I was in
grade four, taking social studies, I realized it looked more along the lines of an
I can't say if it started that night, or even a few days later, all I know is it
happened at night and often. I would wake terrified, I could sense them, I could feel
their weight on me, but couldn't do anything, I was frozen with fear. It was hard to
breathe, like the air was changed or something. My heart pounding, it felt like it
would burst in my throat, when I tried to scream. I told my mom what was happening,
she thought I was having nightmares, her solution was to close my eyes, say the
Lords prayer and it would go away.
We lived in a two bedroom bungalow at that time. Us kids slept four in a pull out bed,
two at the top and two at the bottom. I never understood why know one else would wake up.
Sometimes when I could sense them I'd pinch my sisters as hard as I could, trying to
wake them, even our dog seemed oblivious. I knew I pinched them, I could see the marks,
in the morning.This was not a bad dream! Something was very wrong and I didn't
understand, nor did I have the ability at that age to describe what was happening.
My parents were typical parents of that time, my dad worked, my mom was at home
with the kids. We said are prayers every night and went to church every Sunday. So
I believed her. When it would happen, if I could remember past the fear, I'd try to say
my prayer, ( I don't know if you've ever had rubber lips, it kinda feels like after you've
had dental work, and the freezing is coming out.) I'd struggle to get the words out, and it
seemed to go away, but they would always come back.
You may be inclined to think too much TV. But back then, even tho there were TVs,
few people had one ; In fact we were the first ones in our neighborhood to get one. I
was six years of age maybe seven, anyway my dad had a job with CFQC TV, and got
a good deal on one.
As a child, I was considered timid and shy, afraid of my own shadow. All I knew was
somehow, something or somebody was trying to do something to me at night. If a stranger
came to visit I'd hide and watch them, I was afraid of everything and everyone, and just
felt safer if I could stay hidden.
This was an ongoing occurrence most of my life, it affected and shaped every part
of my being.