Considerations on life and love and becoming someone.
|Whoever said "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"? Had they ever really experienced it? Did they know that deep, irrelievable pain that slowly chips away at your heart? Were they familiar with those earth shattering moments when you are hit by a memory, even a good one, and everything else fades away except the devastation of that loss? Whoever said that cannot have lived with the desperation of knowing there is nothing you can do in order to change your reality to that thing you want most of all.
Sometimes i wonder about the fairness of even wanting it, of even entertaining the idea of having a life so perfect. Fate is so cruel and callous to so many in this world who deserve much more than it delivers. Why should i get what i want and be so happy? That is surely not the road to the person i am meant to be.
Maybe the person who said that had it right? Maybe, despite the pain it causes, we should be grateful to truly know the depth of love that people are capable of. We should be relieved to know that that kind of human spirit exists in the world and to imagine what it can drive us to. There must be some counter weight to all the evil and terror and destruction. Maybe we should be glad that we got to feel, if only for a moment, something so touching and incredible. There is no pleasure without pain, and the two are not necessarily in balance.
Life is unpredictable. It is both wonderful and terrible. It is essentially uncontrollable, no matter how diligently you may try. To make it through you must seek a purpose, one tiny light in the endless mists of uncertainty.
But what an incredible process that it.