by Kat Tonyan
Another babbling letter to a ghost. Me trying to let go.
| Sure, there were plenty of words I could have used to describe you. Dark, quiet, brooding, alluring, and brave, but none of them ever seemed right for you. Yes, you were beautiful, stunning even… but those words were never good enough. They never quite expressed exactly how I felt. You always were great at leaving me speechless even as you slept. Especially as you slept. Free from all the makeup you used to hide behind, all the garb you used to wear. You were just you, and I cherished the fact that I was the only one who ever got to see that sweet and simple look of peace that you never held when awake.
I often find myself thinking that, maybe if I found the right words to express what I saw in you, you’d still be around. I know it’s a stupid thought, but it crosses my mind quite a bit. Truth be told, I was so awestruck that someone like you would give someone like me all of your time. Always felt like a bumbling idiot every time I opened my mouth those first few years, but you always hung on every one of my words. Always listened. Always cared about what I said, no matter how stupid it might have been.
You were a savior. That’s about the best word I can come up with anymore. You were the one who built me up from a sad, frumpy, fat girl to the overly confident (annoyingly so) woman I am now. Even though you’ve put me through absolute hell, you were the one who taught me just about everything life can throw at someone. I guess I just want to thank you. For everything, and not leaving me totally hanging.