Ch 1- D finds out
|Pink. Positive. The pregnancy test confirmation was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. She never imagined being a mom. She was too busy living her life, not planning and hoping. But now in this bathroom staring at the stick she had mixed emotions. Could she be a good mom? A single mom? Would R want to be a dad? Would he give up on his career and be with her and their baby? Did he even want this life? Did she? She really liked him, possibly even loved him but did she want to spend the rest of her life with him? To be tied to him forever?
She was horrified to think about being someone's mom. Taking care of someone for 18 years. Someone so innocent, so weak. But there was that small, very small part of her that was elated over this idea of having someone to love unconditionally.
R would be back in town next week. She would wait until then to tell him. She had a decision to make, her decision but she would tell him, no matter what she decides. If she keeps this baby or not he has a right to know.
D kept her news to herself while at work. She wasn't ready to tell the world. She wasn't ready for any of this. She was having a hard time getting excited about it all. It was a tough week, her thoughts were on this baby, her life, her future. There had been no plans for a baby in her future. Plans change but did she want them to change this much? Tomorrow R would be home and she would have to tell him her news then. She was afraid of how he would take it. Would he leave her? Would he stay? Would he be willing to give up his life and stay? Stay forever?
R arrived in town late the next day and decided to stay at his place instead of D’s. D was disappointed and relieved. Disappointed she wouldn’t get to see him and relieved that she didn’t have to tell him her news yet. Tomorrow would come soon enough.
D awoke the next morning anxious and she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do and tell R would be hard when she was still unsure of her own feelings on the matter. She looked at her clock and realized that she laid in bed too long thinking about the outcome of her day with R. Her nerves were out of control. R would be here in an hour. D showered and quickly dressed, she was making breakfast when R arrived with a bouquet of flowers. Her heart skipped a couple of beats just at seeing him. He really did make her happy, maybe this would work, could work.
D arrived at work late. She was usually very punctual and this was upsetting. She hated being late, it threw off her day. Between her disappointing conversation with R and now being late to work, it was bound to be a bad day. She got to her desk and checked her schedule. Her first client would arrive in 30 minutes. She needed to get herself under control and focus on her work. The day dragged on, she finally finished with her last client and was just finishing up her paperwork when her cell phone buzzed. She checked her phone. It was a message from R.
Can’t make it over tonight. Something came up. Raincheck?
D reread that message several times. She was angry and then she was disappointed. His reaction this morning had surprised her. Now this text surprised her as well. They had made plans to talk about the situation and he bailed on her. She couldn’t even call it what it was, a baby. She thought of it as her situation, not her baby. Their baby. She cleared her desk, grabbed her bag and headed for the subway. The slow ride home gave her to much time to think. She had done well all day, not thinking about it, she kept herself busy with clients and follow-up paperwork but now on this train, amongst these strangers, she had plenty of time to think, worry, become angrier at R, then disappointed and then finally uninterested with him. D trudged up the twelve steps to her apartment door. Dropped her bag on the table and went to her room to change into her sweats. She grabbed a carton of ice cream from the freezer and sat on the couch and mindlessly flipped through channels on her tv. After an hour she turned off the tv. She couldn’t focus. She hadn’t been able to focus since she found out but tonight was worse, then it had been. It had been scary, and made her anxious but R’s reaction made her upset. Now she was a complete mess.