Chapter 2 in Shen's story, about a sad young Asian girl that needs diapers.
I got up nice and early to the sound of my alarm. Almost immediately, I noticed the terrible smell around me. I had shit myself again. I dejectedly sighed.
“Two nights in a row?” I said to myself.
I got out of bed and went about my usual routine. I took my pills, which rarely did anything helpful. I took a shower, I ate a bagel, and I got my things together for school. Lin did not offer me a ride today. She did not even speak to me, aside from the, “Bye-bye.” She said as I went out the door into the frozen hell outside.
The first half of school was pretty uneventful. I only shit myself once, and it was in an empty hallway since I was running late to my third period class. I missed the first half of the lecture from visiting Nurse Cary’s office. When Lunch rolled around, I noticed that Sarah was absent. Only Luke sat at our table.
“Where’s Sarah?” I asked.
Luke laughed a little.
“She got her dumb ass busted for cheating on the algebra test. She had a tiny piece of paper with notes on it taped to her armpit and hidden by her jacket. Teacher’s wouldn’t have known any better if she didn’t look like she was sniffing herself every five seconds.” Luke said.
Well, Sarah’s in detention. Fine, I’m not sure I’ll really miss her. She’s been really bitchy lately.
Luke shoveled a bunch of starchy buttery potato… something into his mouth. I’m not sure if it can really be called potatoes after what the lunch ladies do to it. I always wondered how he could stomach it like that. Even if I weren’t sick all the time, that kind of food would make me barf anyway. Luke picked a hair out of his teeth, doubtlessly one that was mixed in with the so-called “food” he was eating, and turned back to me.
“So, Shen, I got some extra weed today. You wanna go smoking in the unisex bathroom?” He said.
I shook my head.
“You’ve met my Mama before, right?” I said.
“Yeah, once or twice.” Luke said.
“If I came home smelling like that stuff she would kill me.” I said.
“Oh, yeah, I didn’t think about that. Sorry.” Luke said.
I sipped a little bit more of my leftover soup from yesterday I had brought from home, and took my pills. Yep, Antibiotic, anti-diarrheal, anti-emetic. All there. Finally, I asked,
“So, Luke, how’ve you been today?”
“Okay, I guess. I groped Sally Jackson in the halls today. Got slapped but it was totally worth it.” He said.
“You know, bragging about how much of a pig you are to girls isn’t really a great idea.” I said.
Honestly, I didn’t care how much of a pig he was, I was just cluing him in since he was so oblivious to these kinds of things. Luke smacked himself in the face.
“Ah crap, sorry, Shen. Man, this table is always such an un-sausage-fest. What would that be, a taco-fest? We need more guys in our group.” He said.
The rest of school went uneventfully enough. I nearly fell asleep and found out I got a D on my last English test. Ah, fuck, I need to try harder. Eventually, the last bell rang and I left school to find Mama’s car waiting for me in the parking lot.
“Come on, Shen. You have an appointment.” Mama said.
I climbed into the back seat. Mama always made me sit in the back, even when I was the only passenger. Dad was cool and let me ride up front sometimes, and Lin didn’t really care where I sat, but Mama was strict about it for some reason.
As we made our way to the doctor’s office, I felt a burning, painful sensation building up in my tummy. I moaned in pain.
“Oh, Shen, do you have to go poopy?” Mama said.
I wanted to say, “What do you fucking think?” to her, but I held my tongue.
Sassing her was an invitation to disaster. I only nodded and let out a soft,
I held my tummy, rubbing it softly, hoping to ease the pain. Then, I farted. Only air came out, but the burning pain intensified. I moaned in pain again.
“Oh… Oh, Mama, it burns.” I whined.
“Look, Shen, we’re in the doctor’s parking lot. Do you think you can make it to the toilets?” Mama said.
We both knew the answer was “No”, but it was just normal to ask me anyway for some reason. I let out another loud fart. This time, burning hot diarrhea exploded all over the inside of my diaper. It kept trickling out for a moment afterwards. My stomach was still in a little bit of pain now. I think there was still a little bit more of that horrible toxic shit left in my bowels. I moaned in distress.
Mama parked the car and led me out to the doctor’s office. She sent me to the bathroom with some wet wipes that we always kept in the car’s trunk and gave me a fresh diaper while she filled out paperwork. After taking off my skirt, sweatpants, and dirty diaper, I sat on the toilet hoping to get the last of the liquid shit out of my system. After a couple minutes and some pushing, it finally came out and I felt a lot better. I peed in the toilet too; might as well, since I was already there.
I cleaned up and got dressed, although getting dressed was more of a formality. The doctors and nurses always asked me to strip naked or strip down to my diaper almost as soon as I got in the office. When I got out of the bathroom, I saw that Mama had finished the paperwork and was fiddling around with her phone in the waiting room.
“They haven’t called you in yet.” Mama said.
She twitched her nose involuntarily as she said it, and I knew I still smelled bad, even after changing. I watched the TV up in the corner of the room. It was some boring cooking show, but it was better than twiddling my thumbs for the next twenty minutes. Eventually, a nurse called us in.
We were led to the doctor’s room, even though the doctor wasn’t there yet. “All right, take off your shoes and coat, and stand on the scale.” The nurse said.
I did so, and she recorded my height and weight on a clipboard.
“Still underweight. Have you been eating well?” She asked.
“Not really. Most food makes my puke.” I said.
The nurse didn’t really know what to say about that. She wrote a few more things on her clipboard before saying,
“All right, now strip down to your panties and wait for Dr. Stanza to come in.”
Evidently, she didn’t know about my diaper problem… or she was just keeping herself from bringing it up to try to be polite.
“Do you want your mother to leave the room?” The nurse asked.
“I… I don’t really care either way.” I said.
I glanced at Mama in her chair, still playing around with her phone. She glanced back at us and shrugged.
“Okay. Well, is there anything else I can do for you?” The nurse asked.
“No, I’m good.” I said.
The nurse left and I began taking my clothes off. Soon I was sitting on the table in only my diaper. I was shivering. Mama looked up at me.
“Cold?” She asked.
“Yeah.” I said.
She shook her head shamefully.
“They need to turn up the heat in here. You’re so indecent when you’re cold.” She said.
I guessed she was talking about my nipples. I looked down and saw that they were pointy and hard. She was right. I did look indecent.
Pretty soon, Dr. Stanza came in. Dr. Stanza was Mama, Lin, and I’s doctor. She was young. She had only been practicing for a few years before we switched over when our old doctor retired. She was very smart and good at what she did. I’d already seen her for a couple years, so we knew each other at this point.
“Ah, Shen, good to see you again. Still having incontinence problems, I see.” Dr. Stanza said, noting my diaper.
I think she smelled a lingering hint of shit in the air too.
“Yeah, yeah, you know the story. Explosive diarrhea and all that.” I said.
“Well, have you been having any solid bowel movements at all?” She asked.
“Nope, never.” I said.
She wrote a few things down on her clipboard.
“Any coughing?” She asked.
“Not for the last few days, but I’ve felt nauseous a few times.” I said.
“Any new symptoms?” Dr. Stanza asked.
“No. Same old, same old.” I said.
“All right. Let’s listen to your breathing.” Dr. Stanza said, taking a couple extra notes.
Dr. Stanza put her stethoscope on my back and listened to my breathing. She listened to my lungs on the front of my chest too. While she was there, she also listened to my heart and tummy. I think she heard something in my tummy, but she didn’t write anything down, so it was probably nothing.
“All right, Shen, you know the drill. I’m taking a throat swab to send to the lab. Hold still.” Dr. Stanza said.
She took a long stick with a swab on the end and pushed it down my throat. As she was taking it out, I felt a gag coming on. She saw it too, and quickly, reflexively, pulled it out. I gagged and coughed a couple more times, and then I vomited a little on the table.
“Oh, sorry. I’m so sorry.” I said, looking at the stinky purple-black puddle I had made.
I didn’t have much in my stomach to puke up, so it was mostly just bile. I think I was crying a little because she help my hand and stroked my hair like a child. Dr. Stanza patted me on the back.
“There, there, Shen. It happens sometimes. No need to be upset, I’m used to this sort of thing.” She said.
I coughed and gagged a couple more times, but I didn’t puke anything up. I did fart once, and I think a little bit of shit might have come out because the room started smelling after that. God, I sicken myself, I’m so gross. I hate myself just thinking about it.
I hopped down from the doctor’s table while Dr. Stanza cleaned up my puke with alcohol wipes. When she was done, I got back up on the table and we proceeded with the examination as normal. She looked inside my mouth, inside my ears, and up my nose. She shined a light in my eyes too. She put a thermometer in my armpit and told me I had a low fever. Finally, she said,
“All right, I need you to take off your diaper for me now. Time for the anal swab.”
This was always my least favorite part of seeing the doctor. They always wanted to sample the inside of my ass to send it to lab. It was for checking on my disease’s progress.
I pulled off my diaper and kneeled nude on the table. Mama and Dr. Stanza caught a glimpse of the brown spot on the inside of my diaper from earlier. Mama let out a muffled,
“Tsk, tsk, tsk.”
She probably thought I couldn’t hear her. Dr. Stanza stayed silent as she prepared the stick that would soon penetrate my anus. I took my hands and spread my butt cheeks a little bit so Dr. Stanza could see what she was doing a little better.
“Ready?” She asked.
I nodded, with my eyes closed, already grimacing.
Dr. Stanza slid the swab into my butt and wiggled it around. It was very uncomfortable, but I kept myself together. Then she took it out and put in the second swab, this one meant to go deeper. She pushed it in far, and I couldn’t help but groan at how uncomfortable it was.
“All right, that’s it for that. You doing okay?” Dr. Stanza asked.
I noted a stinging sensation around my asshole.
“It hurts a little.” I said.
Dr. Stanza sighed.
“I know. Nobody likes that.” She said.
She took off her latex gloves and put on a fresh pair, one that didn’t have little droplets of my shit on them, and flipped through her papers a little.
“All right, Shen, just a couple more questions. Have you engaged in any sort of sexual contact?” Dr. Stanza said.
I heard Mama stifle a giggle as she overheard this. Mama could be so immature sometimes.
“Not at all. I don’t even masturbate.” I said.
“Whoah there, that’s too much info. A simple ‘No’ would’ve been enough.” Dr. Stanza said.
I always hated that question, but it came up every time I saw her. It reminded me that I was such a disgusting beast and I would likely die a virgin. What man would want a disgusting girl like me anyway?
“Well, all right. That’s fine to know. Is it all right if I take one last swab, this time from your vagina?” Dr. Stanza said.
I silently nodded, closed my eyes, and reclined to spread my legs open. Dr. Stanza poked and prodded my crotch a couple times with another cotton swab until she was finally finished. I blushed, since it felt a little stimulating.
“One last thing, Shen, and I know you hate this part. I need a little blood sample. That’s the last thing the lab needs.” Dr. Stanza said.
Reluctantly, I held out my arm for her and looked away. I hated needles and couldn’t stand to see myself getting poked. She took a little device, one of those needle kit things that diabetics use, and pricked my finger.
“Ow.” I said.
Dr. Stanza dripped my blood into a little glass cell and put a band-aid over it.
“Great, we’re all done now. You can get dressed now, and we’ll call your mom tomorrow to tell you the results, okay.” Dr. Stanza said.
“Okay.” I said, nodding.
Dr. Stanza left the room.
Mama took a spare diaper out from her purse as I gathered up my clothes.
“I had a feeling you’d need another.” She said.
“Thanks.” I said, blankly.
I folded the new diaper over myself and tried to be careful to make the tapes extra secure, since Mama was sorta weird about that and I wasn’t sure if she was watching or not. I put on my bra, my shirt, my sweatpants, my socks, and finally my skirt and shoes.
“Ready to go?” Mama asked.
“Yeah.” I said.
We were out the door and on our way home in no time.
We got home and found Lin and Dad on the couch watching some silly game show.
“Shouldn’t you two be cooking?” Mama said.
“I threw in some corned beef. You just spice it up and forget about it for a couple hours, right?” Dad said.
“Yeah, well what about the potatoes, Mr. Forget-About-It?” Mama mockingly said.
“Fine, I’m on it.” He said.
The two of them went into the kitchen to peel potatoes. I sat down next to Lin.
“So, how was your visit to the doctor, little Shen?” Lin asked me.
“Like you would care…” I said.
“Aw, I’m hurt. You don’t think your big sister cares about you?” Lin said, in her fake sickly sweet voice that annoyed me so much.
“Fine, it was long and uncomfortable, just like every visit. They ran a bunch of tests and shit.” I said.
“Did you pass them?” Lin asked.
“Pass what?” I asked.
“The tests, dopey-mopey! How did you do?” Lin said.
“I won’t know until tomorrow.” I said.
“Aw, well I hope you did good. You don’t deserve half the shit you have to put up with. I want you to get better. Then, maybe one day you won’t smell.” Lin said.
Even when she was trying to be nice, she could be such a bitch.
The rest of the afternoon was pretty uneventful. I watched some TV with Lin. I went to my room to do some homework and study a little. Then I went to dinner when it was finished cooking. It was corned beef, mashed potatoes, and canned corn. I only served myself a small portion, and even then, I didn’t eat much. I only had a few bites of each before I felt a stomachache coming on. I couldn’t finish anything.
“What’s wrong, Shen? You’re eating like one of those anorexic skeleton bitches from Hollywood.” Dad said.
“Language!” Mama interjected.
“I don’t feel so good.” I replied.
“Well, you don’t have to eat any more if you don’t think you can handle it. If you get hungry later, you can always have leftovers, you know.” Dad said.
I tried to smile. I didn’t smile very often, but I knew it made Dad’s day a little better when I did, so I faked it around him when I could.
“Thanks, Dad. I… I think I need to lie down.” I said.
“No problem, sweety. Have all the rest you need.” He said.
I excused myself and went to my room. I didn’t even have the energy to take off any of my clothes. I just collapsed on my bed and took a nap.
Sometime later, probably around ten o’clock, Lin came in and woke me up.
“Little Shen, Mom sent me in to check on you. How are you feeling?” She asked.
I sat up and felt slightly woozy but otherwise fine.
“Okay, I guess.” I said.
Lin then made a funny face.
“Oof, little Shen, you stink. Did you poop yourself again?” She asked.
I noticed a sadly familiar sensation around my butt as she said this.
“Yeah…” I said, hanging my head in shame.
Lin took a step back.
“How about I send in Mom to put you in your night diaper? It’s getting close to your bedtime anyway.” Lin said.
She left before I could say anything.
Weakly, I got up and turned my lights on. Then I slowly went over to the changing mat in my bathroom and started taking my clothes off. I was down to just my dirty diaper when Mama came in.
“Shen, Lin told me you’re ready for bed.” She said.
I nodded. Mama walked over to me and undid the tapes of my dirty diaper for me. She cringed a little as she pulled it off, rolled it up, and threw it in my trash pail. She said, under her breath,
“How does my daughter eat so little yet have such stinky poops?”
I was getting pissed over everyone bringing up how much I smelled, but I was too weak and fatigued to say anything about it.
Mama took some wet wipes and cleaned up the liquid shit smeared around my… well, it was all around my entire…diaper area this time. I must have rolled around a lot in my sleep. I farted once as she did this, and felt my stomach ache. I groaned and clutched my stomach.
“Oh, does my little girl have a tummy ache?” Mama asked.
I closed my eyes and nodded.
“Do you think you have a little more poopy that needs to come out?” Mama asked.
I was too ashamed to respond. I knew what was coming.
The doctors taught me and Mama a special trick to get painful burning shit out of me when it wouldn’t come out. It was to shove a finger in my ass. Mama put some paper towels next to my asshole and wrapped a wet wipe around her pinky finger. Slowly, gently, she slid it up my butt and wiggled it a little. This was one the most humiliating things she ever did to me. I always wished she would let me do it to myself, like when I was changing myself, but Mama was always such a control freak. Soon, Mama removed her finger, and a little bit of liquid shit came bubbling out after it. Mama rubbed my tummy.
“Is that better?” She asked.
“Uh-huh.” I quietly said as I shit myself, naked, right in front of her.
This was so fucking degrading. I swear, Mama must get some kind of weird pleasure from doing nasty things like that to me. She smiled.
“Good.” She said.
Mama rubbed my diaper area, especially around my asshole, with some baby oil and sprayed me down with soapy scent. She taped my extra-thick night diaper up and checked thoroughly for spots where it could potentially leak. When Mama was all done, I started to get up, but my elbows faltered and I fell on my back. I was feeling really weak and shitty. Mama looked at me and made a sad face. I was so pathetic right there, nearly naked, freshly cleaned from stewing in my filth after a nap, too weak to get up… God, I was so pitiable. I was on the verge of tears. Mama bent down to my eye level.
“Hey, it’s all right. I got you.” She said.
With a bit of effort, she lifted me up by my knees and my shoulder, and placed me on my bed.
“You’re so light. You must not weigh anything at all.” Mama commented.
She noted how my ribs were visible when I inhaled, my skinny exposed thighs, my small and malnourished bare breasts. Mama bent over to give me a hug.
“Honey, I hope you’re not wasting away. I worry about you all the time, you know. I really do.” Mama said.
I hugged her back but said nothing. Honestly, sometimes I felt so weak and sick, I was afraid I would die too. A single tear escaped my eyes. Eventually, she stood up and turned out my light.
“Goodnight, Shen. Pleasant dreams.” She said.