hell is more than just a fantasy it is real just look in the world around you
Out of Hell
Every night I stand at the same place on the same corner to sell myself to the same monsters. They come up to me and ask how much I am but they never pay attention to what I say because they all tell me to get in no matter what. The monsters would drive to a secluded area and pull off the road then start to take my clothes off slowly. After that they take off their pants and underwear with lightning speed and then spread my legs and thrusts into me. Their hands run along my body while their mouths are sucking and biting at my nipple. Then when they are done fucking me they toss me out of their cars and throw my clothes at me. Some nights I even sleep out in the woods while other nights I decide to walk home.
My days are not any better I might even say they are worse because it's the only time I'm at peace. During the day I allow myself to have the hopes and dreams of a little girl sometimes I even pretend that I could find love, live in a house with a white picket fence with a family of my own. Sometimes I wish there was some kind of escape from the hell I live in.
People say that demons aren't real, that hell is just a place that people make up but I know for a fact that they are real, the demons are the ones I sell myself to every night and hell is the world that my father showed me after my mom died. For years I have been a rat in cage that my father trapped me in when he was the one who was suppose to protect me.
After my mother died from cancer he became a shell of himself to the point where he would leave the house early in the morning and came home late at night either drunk, stoned or both. Then when that no longer helped him he would come into my room and watch me sleep. One night that changed because one night he climbed on top of me and held my wrists down with one hand while the pushed my nightgown up. He then pulls my underwear off then tied my writs to the bed with them. His hands started to undo his pants and when his pants were completely off he ripped my nightgown down the front so that every inch of me was visible. His hands traveled down my body then stopped at the inside of my thighs and spread my legs a part. He held them like that as he trusted into me over and over again.
That was the beginning of my life, since than I have been nothing than his little whore. I don't care about my life because all I am is worthless trash. I live in the world of shadows yet no one cares because no one sees as I sell myself to the same monsters as my father.
Sex & drugs
Meaningless thatâs all my life has been. Everyone around me treats me like nothing the group I hang around, my teachers even my own father. To them I am just a troubled teen who sleeps with ever girl in sight. They donât care about my life because they donât try to see the truth they are so blind to. No matter what I try to show them they refuse to see the hellish reality that I live in.
It all started when I found my mother lying in a pool of her own blood when I was just eleven. After that I became numb to everything around me and to make matters worse I live with the person who murdered her because that demon is my own father. Itâs because of him that I know this hellish reality where nothing can break through the numbness I feel. He is the reason why I hide my scars from everyone. Heâs also the reason why drugs and sex took over my life.
After that day I tried everything I could to feel anything but nothing worked that is until I tried drugs. Drugs were the key that unlocked a door to a world that would soon take over my life. Without knowing what it would do I sold myself to the devil when I became a slave of drugs. Then one night at a party it opened up a new door that broke through my numbness and a new drug that I want all the time. That new drug was sex.
In the very beginning drugs were nothing they were just a way for me to feel and I could control my need for them. Then it got to the point where I could no longer face reality without them and they started to take over my life to the point that I could no longer live without them. Soon I started to feel like my life was no longer in my hands but in the hands of the devil himself. I took all hope from the people around me because I only saw the pain and suffering in the world. I felt powerless in a world that passed me by as I became one with the shadows around me.
As time went on I was taken deeper into the shadows and no longer cared about others around me, all I cared about was getting what I wanted. The night became my domain and the girls on the streets became my slaves. I had no strength to fight what was happening it was like my mind was telling me that I could get free from this life; while my heart would tell me that there was no other life for me. I soon started to believe that I was not strong enough to win the battle that would allow me to escape this personal hell of mine once and for all.
My life slipped away from me because I could do nothing to stop it, thatâs what I tell myself the truth of the matter is that I didnât care about my life. All anybody sees me as is trash no one even cares. People look at me and wish that I was dead somewhere instead of running around through the night. My own father even wishes that I was dead; I see the look on his face every time I enter the door, itâs a look of disappointment and anger. He never wants me to open that door, never to enter the house. I know he wants to get a phone call saying that I have been found dead in a ditch but the phone call never comes because I always come back and there is nothing that will change that. Sometimes I want his wish to come true because I enter that house and he starts inflicting the scars that I hide from the world, itâs not that difficult because the scars that I have donât need to be covered up with makeup or sweaters because they arenât physical, instead they are mental. Every time I find a way to escape all I hear is stupid, trash, useless and man-whore echo in my head.
I let the words control my life because itâs the truth; Iâm stupid because I continually fail at school because I refuse to apply myself, Iâm trash because I donât do anything but sit around the house, Iâm a man-whore because I screw every girl in my sight. Those words are the outline of my life ever since that day. My life was set on this path ever since that moment happened. Nothing could change my life now because there is nothing that will ever break me out of this pathetic life of mine, there is going to be nothing that will change my world any more than that day did. The shadows are all I have known and nothing else, my whole life has taken place in this hell and it will continue in this hell because I wonât let anything take away my life.