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Rated: 18+ · Preface · Comedy · #2087770
A modernized Lovecraftian tale of an evil being causing devastation. What is his plan?
Everybody at the concert was dancing, people nodding and whipping their heads back and forth to the musicians onstage. The mosh pit that had formed towards the front of the audience was full of violent and aggressive people. They were so busy jumping and moving violently that they didn't even notice the person standing at the edge of the pit. A man from the mosh pit moved back and slammed into a man called Lou.

Lou grunted as the drink he was holding was crushed against his chest, spilling it all over him. His jaw locked as the man from the pit returned to where he was. This was his first time at a concert, and now his beautiful cashmere overcoat was ruined all because he ordered grape soda.

He dropped the Styrofoam cup that the drink was in and walked away, pushing through the crowd to get to the edge. He went up to the side of the stage, where security stopped him.

"Sorry sir, only authorized personnel are allowed onstage." One of the two guards said. Lou looked at both of them.

"Both of you, void your bowels."

Lou thought the eyes of the guards would pop out of their skulls as the "suggestion" was gone through with, the man and woman scurrying off quickly with their tails between their legs. Lou pushed the door open and walked up, people staring at him as he walked from the side of the stage to the center of it. He shoved the singer violently- the other band members got up, but suddenly lost all feelings in their legs, causing them to fall.

Lou grabbed the microphone and held it close to his mouth, and suddenly began to speak strange and demonic sounding words that didn't even sound human. Everyone at the concert covered their ears and fell to the ground in a giant wave. Lou dropped the mic on the ground when he was done. He walked offstage calmly as the people writhed on the ground, holding their hands over their ears.

It was very enjoyable to see the people this way. There were two outcomes to this- people would go mad, or just have a headache for the rest of the week. He was leaning towards the "going mad" option occurring.

You shouldn't think of him as a bad guy, that one watcher did ruin his nice night. He knew that the other people in the crowd would probably be a lot like that one man, so he might as well nip the problem in the bud as soon as he could.

You call it overkill. Lou calls it business.

About a mile or two away from the concert, Lou walked across a crosswalk, and a guido-looking man with a spike up hairdo slammed on the brakes of his souped-up Ferrari and honked the horn at Lou, who stopped right in between the headlights.

"You know there is a stop sign right there, yeah?" Lou's deep voice boomed, pointing to the octagonal sign. The guy flipped him off and honked the horn longer. Lou stepped out of the way, the Ferrari taking off again, going zero to one hundred immediately.

Lou's cheek quivered and an extra appendage grew from it. Lou huffed and pushed the tendril back into his cheek, looking normal once more.

When the diver was a few yards away the car stopped suddenly, the driver's head slamming against the wheel and breaking his nose. The wheels were still going, but the car was dragged backwards to Lou. He walked to the driver's window and tapped it once, the window suddenly dropping back into the door. Lou leaned on the door, looking in.

"The hell did you do?" The man asked, voice nasally because of his nose.

"I stopped your car." Lou answered simply. He grabbed the man's jaw and made their eyes met. Lou's eyes glowed red- the man screamed after a minute. Lou let go, the man clawing at his face. Lou sighed and dusted off the front of his jacket.

"Nice talk." He said, walking away. The man was going insane, slamming his head against the wheel multiple times.

Lou walked home, hands in his pockets and whistling. He went into his apartment complex, going up to his penthouse apartment. A bald man was there, wearing all yellow clothing with a hood pulled over his head. Lou sighed as soon as he saw him.

"What are you doing here then, Has?" He asked, closing the door with his foot. The tall and emotionless man- Has- turned his head, looking at Lou. A strange looking design was around his left eye, like a deformed triskelion, a tentacle curling on his cheek, one on half of his forehead and one going over his nose- with his eye as the center.

"Just got done revising The Yellow King? I've read it- it's mediocre at best."

"What are you up to?" Has asked. It was clearly a question, but the emotionless voice prevented him from actually making it sound like one.

"Ah, c'mon Has, stop with the whole nihilism thing!" Lou waved his hands. "Use some emotion!"

Has stared him down, looking like he had no eyelids (or eyebrows for that matter) making his eyes look extremely wide permanently. He licked his bottom lip- which was skin color- and walked towards Lou slowly.

"The reason I speak emotionless is because I represent this nihilism idea. It is the source of my power." Has replied.

"Oh yes." Lou reached and grabbed a candle on one of the tables, throwing it at Has. The candle hit his chest, becoming lodged in it- it seemed Has's body was completely made of some sort of syrupy liquid. The candle sunk into his body.

"You really should tell people you're the inspiration for T-1000." Lou replied, smiling softly.

"Tell me what you are up to." Has said. "Tell me right now Cthulhu- or should I say Lou."

"Ooooh, full name. How about I use your name, Unspeakable? Hastur." He replied, thunder crashing when his name was uttered. "Does parent know you're here, uncle?"

Has grumbled. Clearly not.

"Well then, you can take your bald head and Yellow Sign out of here before we have a world devastating battle." Lou replied, tilting his head slightly. "Don't let the door hit you where the good Nug split you. Don't cry when Whateley kicks your ass."

Speaking of, Wilbur walked around the corner, holding a tray of freshly cooked shrimp puffs. The kid was only fifteen and looked in his twenties- hair on his face, literally nine feet tall. He lifted part of his upper lip in a sneer when he saw Has. Lou passed by Has and pat his back, the man's body rippling in reply.

Has looked back at Lou and dissipated.

"Alright my two-legged beastie, what have you made me today, then?" Lou picks up a shrimp puff and ate it, nodding after before crushing the rest in his hand.

"Needs to be cooked longer, Whateley." Lou dropped the remains of the food on the floor, kicking it across the floor. "And clean that up too."

Wilbur looked at the floor, at all the crumbs Lou dropped and sighed. The shoggoth trilled and hopped into Lou's lap as he sat down, its tentacles wrapping around his wrists.

"What is the point of becoming human? You're risen, you can rule over this world, destroy it, go back to Khhaa'yngnaiih." Wilbur boomed. Of course I wouldn't know how to write it- I just write what I hear spelled.

"I'm not risen, Whateley. I simply took over this human form- I'm lucky he was dead and fit my idea for an avatar. I could transfer my powers more easily."

"So your threat to grow full form to fight your uncle was complete bullshit?" WIlbur asked. Lou raised both eyebrows.

"Getting smart are we? Don't make me confiscate your immortality, beastie." He replied. "Besides, Has-been didn't know that."

"Well, why are you taking a human form in the first place?" Wilbur asked, shoving the shrimp puffs back into the oven.

Lou ran a hand down the shoggoth's back again, it trilling louder this time.

"Have you ever heard of a predator playing with his prey before killing it?" Lou asked. "That's what I'm doing. I'm studying, messing with the humans, and the second I'm free from R'lyeh I'll come up from the ocean and kill everyone on this pathetic floating rock."

Lou was staring off into space as he talked. He shook his head and looked at Wilbur again, smiling and gently squeezing the shoggoth.

"But I might as well have some fun while I wait, shouldn't I?"
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