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Rated: E · Critique · Adult · #2088478
A first draft, no grammar corrections along with many spelling errors. In need of advice.
Its early morning. I just escaped, barely. With only enough time to escape woth the bare necessities. God, so much blood. I look at the crumpled wad of 20's i had pulled from the corpse of my father, the light had left his eyes for two hours now. I shuddered at the thought. The screams, the smell of blood screaming in my nostrils even now. The steady rhythm of the train putting me in a trance like state. Thank god no one on the train was looking too closely or they would've noticed my blood stained shirt underneath the coat my mother had given me. Or what was left of her. The killer is near, i know he is. He's coming for me. His breath, rasping in my ear, the grating of his knife against the train wall. The loud whistle of the train snapped me back to reality. We had arrived. The train started to fill up with the night shifters, beleaguered and sunken eyes looking down. Briefcases, and coats in hand, the smell of poignant cologne and the sound of depressed sighs escaped the mouths of these dead men walking. I had to leave, too many eyes would fall upon me, with my disheveled look. Plus the man loves to hide in crowds, he fits right in. As i made my way to the end of the traincar i looked behind me and my heart leapt into my throat. There he was, the man. Dressed in a black suit, briefcase at his side, a fedora covering his face. The smell of Marlboro cigarettes pervading the room just as it permeated my home. I could see a glint of silver near his hand. Was that a timepiece, or a weapon? I whipped my head around and hustled mybway out of the vehicle. Adrenaline pumping through my veins like liquid fire. I was walking down the train station, the haze of dawn just barely lighting the eastern sky. It was that time of the day where nothing was awake. An eerie quite suffocating my footsteps as i made my way down the sidewalk, the November wind picking up the leaves as they gently rasped against the pavement. Not quite sure where i was going i kept walking. This town my labrynth, and the creeping feeling that the minotaur was not far. The scraping of his steel claw ever present. A slight echo shadowed my footsteps. Was it him? The man? I whipped my head around to face the Apex predator before me. No one. I proceeded to increase my pace, walking a bit faster. The cold air stabbing my lungs woth each breath i took. The flecks of blood on my shirt a constant reminder of the peril i was in. The heavy beats of my heart filling my ears as i was filled with anxiety. I started to run, not caring where I went. Turning around corners and across roads, trying to truly lose myself amongst the middle class suburbs with nigh identical homes. Houses and street names rush past my field of vision. I ran for what seemed like an eternity, until finally i come across a bridge, which i take shelter under, hoping, praying that the man doesn't find me. The steady strum of cars going over the bridge, coupled with my exhaustion, slowly lulling me into a dreamless sleep. I suddenly awoke to the sound of a passing Semi truck its blaring horn thrusting me from my sleep with a start. I looked about my surroundings, the gentle flow of the river a few feet from me, the blinding light reflecting my visage in the water. The sandy blonde hair a disheveled mess, my coat, a prized possession wet, and cold from the cold ground, sharp and stiff from the morning frost. An impression from where he had lain noticable. There were scratches along my body, how did those get there, I wonder? Ducking my head, i exit my temporary cover and search for sustenance.
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