*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2107643
Rated: E · Review · Reviewing · #2107643
Review for Lesson 2
Hello, !


I just finished reading your item, {item:} and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

I love the way you show through your words just how nervous the main character is. This is an interesting story of the journey one takes to become an angel.

Suggestions:

My first suggestion is to name your work - something that would give the reader a sense of what they will be reading about...something that would draw them in to read more.

I believe (and this is just me) that if you added an empty line in between your paragraphs, it would make it easier to read.

I had a difficult time picturing the characters or the scene - adding some descriptions...what do your characters look like? What does the room look like? Adding detail would make it much easier for the reader to picture the scene, therefore holding their interest.

Please go through and double check your punctuation, spelling, capitalization, word usage and grammar. All proper names of people and places, titles of people and places need to be capitalized. In one sentence you mentioned being "crept out.," but I believe it would read better if you said "creeped out."

At one point, you used underscores instead of hyphens.

Strengths:

I love the way you described the wings as "feathery." This is something I could picture in my mind. You did very well on describing the feelings of the main character.


Overall Impression:

This has the potential to be a very great story. A few adjustments, corrections and descriptions, as well as a little bit of formatting will make this even better. There is an adventure here just waiting to be shared!

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!


Star Rating - 2.5

** Image ID #2107424 Unavailable **
© Copyright 2017 Rhoswen - Goal Reacher (bray2015 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Log in to Leave Feedback
Username:
Password:
Not a Member?
Signup right now, for free!
All accounts include:
*Bullet* FREE Email @Writing.Com!
*Bullet* FREE Portfolio Services!
Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2107643