A short comedic piece for your entertainment, (or not)?
|The Top 14 Must Have List for Zombies
#1: Fabreeze dead body spray ... (for those embarrassing moments).
#2: Blood stain remover. (Cause you don't want for the wife to catch you dining without her).
#3: A full head motorcycle helmet. (Cause for some reason, you walkers seem prone to head injuries).
#4: The Johnson and Johnson Finger and Toe Stitch Kit. (Cause as you know, they're the first to fall off).
#5: An undead death insurance policy. (So the kids will have something to fall back on after you BITE THEM)!
#6: A note from your doctor to give to your boss ... before you EAT him. (Just because you're a zombie doesn't mean you have to be rude)!
#7: Two tickets to the Rob Zombie concert. (Cause after all, YOU"RE A FREAKING ZOMBIE)!
#8: A working TV featuring the AMC channel ... so you can cheer on the walking hordes.
#9: The ACME heavy duty industrial staple gun. (In case your sweetie's arm falls off while your out for a stroll).
#10: "Oberto's Human Jerky", (to help fight off those cravings between meals).
#11: A bag of "Hershey's Black Mold Kisses", (I mean even a zombie deserves an after dinner treat. Can I get an AMEN)!
#12: Several copies of Bill Clinton's zombie declaration petition disclaimer which reads, "I did not partake of that woman's flesh".
#13: Alice Cooper's zombie handbook on how to brew beer using only blood and toenails.
#14: A FREAKING BIB and APRON!!! Because let's face it ... zombies are TOTAL SLOBS!