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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2115522-Limericks
by Bruce.
Rated: 18+ · Poetry · Nonsense · #2115522
8 Limerick Place.

There was a policeman from Chester
A shop girl he often would pester
So she took him to court
Because she really thought
He would either molest or arrest her.

A married young man from The States
Went out on sly naughty dates
When his lady found out
She did not scream and shout
But had sex with all of his mates.

A visitor over from France
Asked a girl back home during a dance
She said I would choose
To politely refuse
Cause you're rude and I can’t take the chance.

A buxom old woman named Sue
Is known by most fellas in Crewe
She used to be choosy
But now she's just boozy
And any male partner will do.

By a duck pond two men took a blond
Hoping sexually she might respond
She pulled down their Wranglers
Then laughed at their danglers
And pushed them both into the pond.

There once was a scarecrow named Ted
Who had straw sticking out of his head
A squirrel thought hey
That will do for my drey
So he took off Ted’s head for his bed.

A nice topless bather named Helen
Was sitting down eating a melon
I said “gis a bit”
She said “melon or tit?”
I leave you the outcome to dwell on.

"gis": an English colloquial term for: give us/me.

For a dare Jane stripped off in the street
Naked down from her head to her feet
Because she was undressed
The girls were not that impressed
But it gave all the fellas a treat.

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2115522-Limericks