Jane and the Desperate Dragon

It was Dragon's first day in Kippernium as Jane the appointed knight's partner. He was taking watch of the kingdom over the day, and when the night came, an enormous feast was held in his honor.

"We're so glad you're now watching over our kingdom and protecting us, Dragon!" said the king.

"Yes, Dragon," said Jane with a smile, "you're really a big help."

Dragon was hungry from his long day of patrolling, and was stuffing his maw full of the delicious food that Pepper, the court cook, had prepared for him. After numerous full chickens, three pigs worth of pork, and enough carrot cake to feed the whole kingdom, Dragon had finished and responded to Jane and the king.

"Well, I'm pleased to be here," he said, "so long as the food keeps tasting this incredible!"

After he said that, the whimsical dragon let out a huge burp.

*UUUUUUURRRRRPPP*

"Dragon!" yelled Jane in disapproval.

"Get used to it, Jane," said Dragon, "that's the dragon way: Loud and Proud!"

"Hahahaha!" the table laughed in unison.

Dragon eventually had his belly completely stuffed with food. He thanked the king for the meal, patted his belly, and made his way back to his lair for the night.

"Oh, what a wonderful feast! Those short-lives sure know how to cook up some delicious food!" said the satisfied dragon as he curled up and went to sleep for the night. Dragon woke up the next morning well-rested, and he went on patrol just as the sun was rising. A few hours passed, and it was already eleven in the morning. The scaly beast was flying to and fro, when suddenly...

*FFFLLLLLRRRRRBBBBTTT*

From Dragon's hind end emanated a fart of massive proportions. The dragon stopped and hovered in midair above the kingdom. He placed his claws on his rear and hoped that nobody heard what he did.

"Uh oh, I think all of that delicious food is coming back on me," said Dragon nervously. His stomach growled loudly and he felt a shift in his lower region moving toward his tail. "And I think it wants a way out!"

Dragon did not know where he was supposed to do his business, as it was just his second day in the kingdom. It would be embarrassing for him, but he knew that he would have to consult Jane on the matter. He made his way over to the training grounds for knights and saw Jane slashing away at a swordplay dummy. He approached her steadily and tapped on her shoulder with his claw.

"Hey, Jane?" asked the dragon.

"What do you need, Dragon?" replied Jane.

"You see, Jane, I've gotten myself into a bit of a conundrum," Dragon said as he glanced for a moment backward and down to the base of his tail, "I kind of have to go."

"Dragon, if you need to go somewhere, you are free to fly there," said Jane.

"No, Jane, I need to go," Dragon affirmed desperately. Jane simply stood there, puzzled as to what Dragon was trying to say to her.

"To the bathroom, Jane!" yelled Dragon impatiently. His stomach growled again and he placed his claws on his bottom and began to hop from side to side.

"Oh my! Um... if you need a place to go, you can just fly somewhere far away from the kingdom to do it." answered Jane.

"No-can-do, Jane! Arghh! If I try to fly that far, I'll surely have an accident in the air. I need somewhere nearby and quickly, unless if you want huge pile of dragon dung in the middle of the training grounds!" Dragon explained, now pulling his tail between his legs to hold in his "special delivery".

Jane pondered where in the kingdom Dragon could do his business. "How about over in that little wooded area? Maybe behind a tree?"

"Oh...," said Dragon, distraught, "It'll have to do!" He waddled over to where Jane was pointing and proceeded into the wood a little bit. He eventually found a rather large tree.

"Eureka! Time to finally do my duty!" said Dragon as he turned his tuchus toward the tree. He squatted low, lifted his tail up high, and out from his bottom came a loud, smelly fart lasting for five seconds. "Whew! Carrot cake does that to me, heh heh." When all went silent, however, Dragon heard many giggles. He turned to his left to see a group of children pointing and laughing at him. They were all holding fake swords, so Dragon assumed that they must've been playing when he came out here. Immediately, Dragon blushed and pulled his tail back between his legs, locking his knees together and grinning bashfully. "Sorry you had to see that, kids," he said nervously, "I'll go somewhere else to answer nature's call, heh heh!" The embarrassed dragon waddled away from the laughter as fast as he could and came out to one of the kingdom roads, which led into the castle. "If there's any private place for me to do a number two, it'll surely be in there!" said Dragon as he waddled through the big castle doors.

While all of this was taking place, Pepper was planning on preparing the soup for that day's lunch in front of Jane and Rake the royal gardener (whose ingredients she was using). it was going to be a community lunch, so with the help of some of the knights in the castle, she dragged in the biggest soup pot she could find. It was about as tall and wide as she was! She ran out of the kitchen to go and fetch the three people she wanted to see her cook. Right as she left, Dragon had found his way into the large room.

"Oh, thank goodness this castle has large doors. These short-lives sure are good at building!" Dragon said humorously. He scanned the room and eventually saw the enormous pot in the center. "Did these people prepare a chamber pot for me? How kind of them! Well, it would be a shame if it were to go to waste, heh heh, so I'd better use it!"

The desperate dragon waddled over to the enormous pot and sat down on it, facing away from the door. Miraculously, his enormous dragon derrière fit perfectly over the huge pot. Dragon let out a huge sigh of relief as he began to pee into the pot. Unbeknownst to him, however, Pepper was bringing back her audience and the group opened the door to a sight they never though they would ever have to see. They were all in shock and couldn't say anything to break the tension. As they listened to Dragon's urine slowly filling the pot, Jane started to giggle, but Rake was quick to shush her, so as not to give away their presence. Both of them, however found the situation very humorous and couldn't help from snickering every now and then. The sound of Dragon's pot piddling was broken by enormous flatulence.

*PPPPPPFFFFRRRRTTTT*

"Hah, guess that one slipped out!" Dragon said to himself, "I think that means I'm just about ready to drop my load, heh heh!"

Pepper, Jane and Rake snickered at this, trying their best to remain silent. Dragon then made fists with his claws, raised his tail, grunted, and began to push out boulders of fresh dragon dung into the pot. The scaly beast didn't realize, however, that by lifting his tail, he was exposing his "dirty dung depositor" and his special dragon parts to the group of onlookers in the doorway. The kids began snickering and giggling helplessly at the exposed dragon, who was completely oblivious to his humiliation. More boulders of dragon business began piling in the pot, making splat noises every time one fell on another. Now that Dragon's rump was elevated slightly from the pot, his farts were enormously loud and echoed tremendously. As he was dropping his bombs, dragon waved his claw past his snout.

"Wow, that sure doesn't smell pleasant, haha. I feel bad for the short-life who has to empty this thing!" said Dragon.

The green scaly monster dropped off a few more dung balls and was finally finished doing his duty.

"How's a dragon supposed to clean up around here, huh?" said Dragon, looking to his sides for leaves to wipe his dirty bum with. "Oh, here are some," dragon said as he grabbed some lettuce leaves on the nearby table and reached back to run them over his 'doodoo dispenser'. "Ahhhh, what a relief that was!"

"HAHAHAHAHAH" Dragon heard from behind him. The poor giant reptile turned around to see Jane, Pepper, and Rake on the floor laughing uncontrollably.

"Jane!?" Dragon said, pulling his tail between his legs to cover up his private parts, "how long have you been here?!"

"Long enough for the whole show, Dragon!" said Jane. Dragon blushed deeply and smiled innocently in embarrassment.

"Those were some mighty loud 'emissions', Dragon," said Pepper.

"Well, that's the Dragon way," said Dragon, trying to use humor to avoid the uncomfortable situation, "Loud and Proud!"

The kids all laughed again, and Rake had some important things to tell Dragon.

"Dragon, we could really use your dung as fertilizer over in the garden! Would it be convenient for you to go to the bathroom there?"

"Well..." said Dragon nervously, "It depends. Will anyone see me?"

"I'll be the only one there," said Rake, "and I've already seen you go, thanks to that show you just put on for us, haha!"

"Alright, deal!" said Dragon, "but only if you promise not to stare!"

And so, the Dragon got the private restroom he wanted for all of his dragon dung desires, and Rake got a reliable source of fertilizer for his garden.

EPILOGUE

"Alright, Rake," said Dragon, "I've got a huge load for you today! I've been holding this one in for a while, haha!"

"Yuck! You know what to do, Dragon," said Rake reluctantly.

Dragon moved over to his special spot in the garden, squatted low with a proudly lifted tail, and let it rip! An enormous pile of dragon business began to form underneath Dragon's rear. When Dragon was just about finished, he looked over to Rake, who was inching his nose and wafting away the odor.

"Gross, Dragon," he said, "what on earth did you eat?"

"Too much for ya?" said Dragon, "try this on for size!"

The Dragon moved closer to Rake, lifted his tail, pointed his rear end toward him, and let rip.

*PPPFFFFBBBBRRRTTTT*

"What's the Dragon way?" asked Dragon.

"Ugghhhhhh," said an annoyed Rake, "loud and proud..."