A realisation and forgiveness
A bridge over a turbulent river. It is midnight. He looks into the swirling waters and reflects on his fate. How did it get to this?
He shakes his shake, drumming his fingers on the railing. The fog recedes a little and he spots a figure in the distance. It's her. She approaches slowly, as if unsure what to do. No, it's more like she's afraid.
He hesitates. Then he slowly raises his arm, waves at her. She sees it, a sudden jolt in her gait then she continues on, more confidently now. She draws close, smiles a little awkwardly and falters as she sees his expression.
"Hi." She utters. She looks at him, now growing concerned. " Are you feeling alright?"
He turns his head, looking her fully in the face, eyes burning with shame.
"Sonia...I am so sorry. I-I am truly lost to you, aren't I?" With that, he turns back to the river, mulling over his words as much as she does. Then he starts. She's put her hand on his shoulder. He looks up, a little perturbed.
"Why would you think that?" is the response, "I told you a long time ago, I am here for you. Always." She smiles and uses her other hand to lift his chin. His lip quivers. Tears roll down his cheek, suddenly he feels the release of
years and years of anguish. Denying his own identity, trying to alter a part of him that is considered faulty, even evil by some parts of society. His pain is doubled when he thinks of the pain and confusion he must have caused her,
his friends and the others in their lives.
"Why do I have to be like this? It's a burden, it's so damn hard! Every day. To know...just know that people will hate you just for who you are." He gulps in air, trying to steady his voice. Not now, sounding like a child crying
to his mother. When it's not. It's his wife. His best friend, lover and mother to their beautiful girl. He loves her, but not in the right way. He loves her like he always did, like a friend. He gets it now. He thought this love
could mask the truth, to hide it and change him. To make him 'normal'. To break the lust and deep longing he had endured all of his life, or so it felt.
Perhaps she sensed this internal monologue, as she clears her throat and speaks. These words make him so happy and soulful all in one flash of emotion.
"I always knew how hard you tried to hide your feelings. I know your love was not for me, not really. We have been friends and lovers for a long time. I know you and I know you hate yourself. You think who you really are is not going to be acceptable to so many." She paused, "And you're right. Not everyone will get it. Some may even hate it. But I do not. I love you, just as I always have. You have help make me the person I am today and I am grateful. We
make a good team and this is important. You need to be true to yourself. This does not mean you'll lose me or Freya, it just means that maybe you can breathe again. Maybe you can feel joy and happiness, see the world in colour and
stop the voices in your head and in your heart from screaming and wailing to you every waking moment." She pulls him into an embrace that almost winds him. He is fully crying now, wailing like a newborn, feeling this surge of energy
from this amazing person, this passion of deep rooted love and affection. This perfect woman, whose compassion has been a rock to his sandy desolate psyche. They part, slowly and he smiles damply at her.