by Bob retired
Part of my frustrations with health problems in the last two years.
|The Four “D’s”
It’s been quite a while since I posted anything on my page, but I will post this piece. The four ‘D’s’ represent disappointment, dejection, despair and depression. Over the last year or two, I have had all of them and am still trying to get out from under their spell. A couple of short trips to hospital, and bad reaction to medication, add to my confused state of mind. Damned if I do something; it’s bound to be wrong, and damned if I do nothing. I am a man, an old one, but still functioning, yet I do not know what I should be doing to help my Lis recover from her ordeal.
It is over two years now since she had her first, attack/ stroke/ or whatever it was. That was followed by brain bleeding, coma, neuro surgery and further strokes. Recent tests give three possibilities for her future, sudden death due to heart failure or something yet unknown, little recovery from her present situation and death following in an unknown number of years(2to 5 maybe?), and lastly an almost complete recovery in another couple of years. I do not know at all, and neither do any of the health professionals who have been consulted. She is physically in pretty good shape and can use both hands and legs with only some restriction on her left leg. It’s just getting the million nerves in her brain to create new pathways to get her body to respond as it was designed to.
During all this I have managed to survive my own health issues to a reasonable degree. I still have prostate cancer although it is dormant after three years with no treatment. I also have a heavy build up of calcium around my spinal cord due to a very old injury not being treated at the time, and partly calcified lungs due to exposure to antiquated house dust and perhaps asbestos particles, plus excessive fluid in my inner ears due to whatever. The last one is causing me to lose my hearing rather quickly. Deafness is a blessing in one way, you never hear the traffic passing while you sleep, yet it is a curse too, because you cannot hear other people’s voices even when they are only a few feet away. Hearing aids do help a bit and I am able to function almost normally, but there are frustrating times as well. Multiple conversations become a cachophany of meaningless sound, so I avoid situations where this happens.
Yet, in spite of all this I am still living with the thought that Lis will recover and come home again at some time in the next year or so. Brain damage is so complex that it is impossible to forecast a result of any sort with certainty; there too many imponderable possibilities with it, and every single one is different, as we humans are different.