a stand-up comedian act
I am Wies from the Netherlands
and I will be entertaining you for a few minutes.
I see you thinking… Wies, what’s that?
Is it Wise, or Weis, but no it is Wies, you pronounce it like Peace. Weace!
It’s a fake name, a pseudonym.
I won’t tell you my real name.
Because, well you know…that’s a secret.
So, here I am standing before you.
A middle-aged woman with a strange name.
Is that funny?
No, I suppose not, but again…that’s a secret.
Being funny is actually a secret.
I mean, what’s there to laugh about?
No really, I mean…in this world today?
What’s there to laugh about?
But he’s too scary to be funny.
I can talk about tits or breasts.
But that’s already been done by other female stand-up comedians.
It probably wouldn’t work with this audience.
You being too smart.
Writers and all.
Smart people, you know.
Not your ordinary folks.
I met this ordinary guy the other day.
On the Internet.
On one of these dating sites.
Yeah, I thought: let’s try this!
I am alone, I want to date again.
Meet somebody nice.
it’s been too long you know.
I haven’t had sex in years.
Now don’t be embarrassed.
I am not.
It’s been so long that everything is overgrown down there.
Up here as well, I wouldn’t know how to kiss.
It’s been that long!
But anyway, I met this regular guy on the internet.
He is like: you’re a nice lady, let’s talk.
So I talk with him on the phone.
I don’t kiss, I don’t have sex, I just talk.
And it’s nice!
He’s like: you’ve got two eyes
You’ve got two ears
Hey, you with the nose
Let’s get to know each other.
This could work!
So I went on a date with him
And asked him to phone me back
When he got home
It’s been three weeks now
I think he must be homeless!!
Thank you all, very much!”