A short journal entry about change and the emotional conflict that arises with it.
|Everything is changing. It’s so quick that I can’t keep up. It hurts because I feel like my world is falling apart even though I know it’s not. I have to think about this logically. Thinking with my feelings only makes it worse. That is the hard part though. How do I think logically when my feelings wash over every thought I have? My feelings are like stream of water running over my logic, then turning to solid ice. Ice is cold and hard. Ice is able to be broken and melted away but it takes strength to break and patience to melt. Sometimes I believe that I’m not strong nor do I have the patience to learn how to control my thoughts. Other times I am able to think logically and I tell myself that I am strong enough until I believe it. That is when I am able to break the ice. But, it is rare that I do this. My feelings overpower everything in my life. Feelings run my life even though I don’t want them to. I don’t like change yet everything is changing. I have no control over the situation either. It makes me want to scream and cry. But, screaming and crying won’t change anything. All it will do is make me feel a little better for a short amount of time. When I cry I will myself to think of something else, anything else other than what it making me upset. But, I can’t. I don’t like saying I can’t do something because I know logically that I can. I should say it is difficult to do. But, I don’t. I say I can’t do it. Why? It’s because my solid ice thoughts are frozen over my logic so it can’t break out. It’s not fair. But, there is nothing I can do but try my best to gain strength and patience to get through the changing world around me.|