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Rated: E · Fiction · Nonsense · #2124272
Breaking news story (fiction)

Foghorn Leghorn Sidelined With CTE, Retires

Foghorn J. Leghorn, one of the most iconic cartoon characters, cites chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) for putting his career on the shelf. Mr. Leghorn confesses he can't remember what day it is and shamefully admits to allowing would-be harm-doers access to the hen house.

The always jovial Leghorn is now suffering from a "slew of serious symptoms" according to Sylvester, a cat and Foghorn's long time companion, including depression, sleep disruption, and personality changes due to repeated blows to the head.

Said Leghorn, "That dawg, ah say, that (expletive) dawg" is responsible for his declining condition, referring to Barnyard Dawg, a conniving canine and Leghorn's notorious nemesis.

Creator and director Robert McKimson was not available for comment, however, an anonymous source at Warner Bros claimed "he brought it on himself", apparently a jab at Mr.Leghorn's reputed obnoxious barnyard shenanigans.

Liability aside, neurological testing has confirmed demonstrable brain abnormalities in the case of Mr.Leghorn. According to records illegally obtained due to HIPPA regulations, advanced imaging confirmed cerebral lesions consistent with intense and often gratuitous head trauma. More sensitive MRI was deemed contraindicated, though, due to a multitude of metal fragments detected upon x-rays of Foghorn's skull.

Looney Tunes declined an invitation to respond to the allegations, however, it has long been apparent within the medical community that several characters created by the prolific studio have similar complaints associated with CTE including memory loss, headaches, and general malaise.

"Ain't no laughing matter" offered one concerned cartoon fan.

Conceived and written by:
Michael Holdcroft

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