The Long Ride

A lawyer for Earth discovers an aliens species is looking to legally harvest his planet.

This was a science fiction contest entry where the required elements were: religious freedom, a verdict, and an elevator.


The Long Ride

No one ever wants to talk about the elephant in the room. Well, in my case it wasn’t exactly an elephant but a Halphom Vex…which is kind of like an elephant, I guess…if it was part angler fish mixed with just a touch of skunk. And our room was actually a space elevator, a ram-drive lift from the surface of Esson-Five, the galactic capital, to the Boundary World Assayer’s Office high in stationary orbit.

Anyways, the Abbots of Halpho had petitioned for survey rights of Earth and my fellow passenger, a hulking brute to be sure, was the opposing counsel in this bit of litigation. Of course the Earth wasn’t too happy about being forced to comply with any sort of demand and tasked me with looking into the matter. Imminent domain, the Abbots claimed but were very hush-hush about the whole thing. Hell, Halphoms were tight lipped about pretty much everything, so we had no idea what they needed or wanted, only that it was protected by some obscure, antiquated ordinance and they absolutely needed it. My fellow passenger was completely disengaged, not even making eye contact. It was a long ride into orbit.

“So, I hear Halpho’s a pretty nice place,” I attempted.

He only replied by shifting his eyes toward me, staring apathetically past his long snout.

Awkward silence.

“You guys must need something pretty important to need a verdict from the Assayer’s Office.”

“Hrumph,” he grumbled.

“C’mon,” I prodded. “What’s Halpho’s game? What are you guys up to?”

“We’ll wait until we arrive,” he finally answered, deep and throaty.

“Well, it can’t be any sort of mineral or anything. Earth’s not very special, after all. Plenty of things like gold or plutonium or water pretty much everywhere in the universe. I mean, what could we possibly have that you’d want?” I leaned in. “Listen, maybe we can settle this without a formal hearing.”

“I doubt it,” he snickered. “It’s never worked before and the verdict always favors us, anyhow. It is intergalactic law, after all.”

“It sure would help if I knew what you wanted.”

The Halphom Vex rolled his eyes and answered, “Let’s just say they’re soft and necessary and talk too much, but a valuable resource, nonetheless.”

“You can’t be serious!”

Following an exasperated sigh, he explained, “We have a very particular religious requirement – sentient brain tissue. It’s been critical in all our ceremonies for millions of years, from the Call of Onderas to the Inherent Smiting. And synthetics just won’t do. Of course, the whole affair is covered by the Pious Accords following the Aranon Inquisition, protection of religious freedoms and all, but don’t worry, nothing goes to waste. Discarded supplementary tissues enhance our diet, make excellent fertilizer, and even assist with procreation.”

It was so horrifying, I couldn’t even respond.

“Hah!” he chortled, noting the expression on my face. “You don’t expect us to harvest ourselves, do you? Barbaric!”

“And massacring civilized beings isn’t?”

“That’s for the Assayer to decide. Besides, you said it yourself. Earth isn’t all that important anyways.”

My blood ran cold.

“Level four thousand and twelve. Boundary World Assayer’s Office,” the elevator announced mechanically.

“I guess this is our stop,” I noted apprehensively and my companion only grinned.

We arrived at a vacant reception area, dozens of chairs all empty. There were just the two of us…oh, and the automated receptionist, that is. The machine asked us to wait and we took a seat. My palms were sweating and my mind raced, pondering the task before me – a lonely representative of my planet who was in way over my head. And if we lost…if we were forced to comply. Earth was relatively new to our galactic community and I knew some of these ordinances were millennia old. Even worse, too many were absolutely compulsory, enforced by embargo and more firepower than you can imagine. Nevertheless, I couldn’t let that happen. The Assayer would have to see reason…would have to side with Earth. Maybe I could get an extension, a continuation, a stay…

“Mr. Smith, Mr. Plxlbyn, the Assayer will see you now,” the receptionist declared.

My time was up and we both rose slowly for the door. As a courtesy, my counterpart held it for me and I stepped inside. Of course, my jaw drop immediately. The Assayer was Halphom.


722 words