Crazy memoirs in my life add songs from the 60's!
|I always knew I was different from others kids,though there was also another aspect of disbelief over that fact. I just wanted to fit in love & be loved. Our basic human needs . I first knew something was concrete when I was 12. That year my Grandma Rose got Cancer. It was a dirty word in those days. people spoke of it in whispers thinking they could catch it like a cold if they said it too loud. The black and white TV news had awful stories of Viet Nam. I would sit and sometimes sleep on our 4th floor fire escape in the hot Brooklyn summers. We never had an air conditioner. I had my little transistor radio from Japan my Grandpa Moe bought for me. I listened to Wabc in NY. I loved the top 40 count down. The music always seemed to be a balm from all the roughness In my young life.( Google top 10 songs of 1967 for a good backdrop to this time traveling tale!)
So Grandma didn’t seem to like me very much. I was more of an annoyance and worked hard to make her love me. I didn’t understand all the aspects of what was going on around me I was a little adult without being one with the experience. Be that as it was I tried to be a good girl. by the time I was around 9 it was easier to be a tomboy.One day I walked into the bedroom I shared with my grandfolks. My Grandma was putting on her colostomy bag. she had so much fear & shame in her eyes. I just smiled and asked if I could help. We were best friends for the last year she lived.
Looking back I see my life was a lot like a Steven King novel only real life. I can still see us standing in the kitchen She was short like me with red hair she dyed till the end,when it was grey. I danced with her in the kitchen we laughed and was spinning around listening to The radio Georgy girl was on. Not long after we were at the James U wing hospital. My Grandpa was sitting across the lobby with my mother and brothers. I thought things would be ok,she would come home even though they seemed sad. Walking over to the closed gift shop which was open for me to look in the glass display. Rings and things caught my eye. I heard a voice (At first thought it was them but they were nowhere near me.) I stood there Listening “Diane your grandmother will die at 3:47 next morning.” Then it was quiet. I was scared why would I think such a terrible thing? I kept it a secret for many years. Soon after we took a cab back to Brooklyn and the next day a knock on the door brought a telegram saying the same thing I heard.The night before I hugged her and said I would see her on wed and would wear the new outfit mommy had bought me. wed we were at the first funeral I ever went to.I was wearing the maroon skirt and top I wanted her to see…
I saw a sign with letters spelling out “Rose Fertig service at 10 am. I thought : That’s the last time her name will be anywhere. She was in a big wood coffin. It was her but she looked different more puffy. I wanted to kiss her like my mom did but was scared she would be ice cold and might sit up. Later that night the mirrors which had been covered scared me. It was a Jewish sign of mourning,but those things were not explained to me much. I knew more about Jesus and empty Catholic Church’s where my mom took me. I thought if I peeked behind the blankets I would see my dead grandma looking at me… This will also be posted on my writing.com where I started online writing 13 years ago. I don’t have much time for writing but trying to fit it in somehow.