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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2134036
Rated: E · Fiction · Entertainment · #2134036
What's going to happen to the two friends after the fight?

Hey guys can you point out the errors and areas of improvement in dis writing? Thank you, that will be really helpful to me. ? A very big thank you to yall!!!



(Text appreciation) Write a piece of creative fiction (short story, play, etc.) based on a painting. (min. 300 words)

The painting I used is The Son of Man is a 1964 painting by the Belgian surrealist painter RenMagritte in case u did not see the pic here


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It was already the third time in a row I was having the same dream. It was about the sky, but not really the same as the one I used to watch for hours at dusk, laying on the grass with Judas beside me. In my dreams, it was all dark, with borderless flow of clarity yet cryptic, vast yet empty. No stars galore, no misty clouds, no nothing but a silver moon, like a disk hung in the sky. It bleached the grass I used to lie on, as if emphasizing something intangible.

Strange huh? I think so too. Well, but even with my i-phone 8 a meter away, I could not search on google about the bizarre dream. My aching ankle was well bandaged by Julian, who had moved in one month ago after selling his own house. But it still hurt even after a week after the fight. "Judas?" I called, but only my voice reverberated in the room. Julian was behaving strangely since the fight, often leaving without writing a note. Guess he went out for part-time jobs again I sighed, if only he had heeded my advice not to be overindulgent in casino.

Just when I was deep in my rumination of what happened the other day, Judas suddenly rushed in, leaving a trail of mud behind him. Seeing that I was preparing to get down to get my phone, he quickly passed it to me. "Juan," Judas exhaled deeply, "would you like to go out on Wednesday?" I raised my eyebrow, it was not something conventional for someone with a bandage on his head. "I...I just want to... eh... take a break, you know that there is an activity near the beach that I want to participate in...I will be wearing the 1920 suit and a Papasan hat." He scratched his head and smiled sheepishly at me. "Sure, if you like." I smiled brightly back. It was a norm that people like Judas who had the love for vintage clothes to participate in this kind of activities. Unfortunately, most of his collection was sold to pay his debt to the group of gangsters. I sighed again as I watched Judas hurry out again.

On Wednesday, we woke early when the first beam of sun ray filtered through the apple trees beside my house and dappled on the cement pavement and went early to our destination to revere in the spirit of the activity. When we arrived, there were already loads of people clad in 18th and 19th century customs. Men were chatting and strolling on the pavement near the beach while the girls formed a conclave under lush apple trees and were giggling at some jokes that one of them said. Yes, and by saying apple trees, I really mean apple trees. Perhaps the designer of the beach was a genuine fan of apples? But it's undeniable that the apple trees brought some benefits. People like me could snack on apples freely in this season.

As I was admiring the attractive scenery and savoring the sweet scents of the ripened apples, there was a loud jarring ringtone Judas' phone. To my natural impulse, I turned around, only to find Judas frantically pressing the red button and then stuffing the phone into his pocket. After that call, Judas remained silent and did not utter a word again. "Judas, do you want to sit on the bench for a short break? I prepared some sandwiches," I tried to cheer Judas and rekindle his spirit, being a bit worried over his condition. "huh? I...I need to go to lavatory," Judas said, appearing disturbed and then left me in a hurry. I was dumbfounded for a moment. Then I noticed the flicker of emotion in his eyes that I had never seen before as he sprinted to an isolated part of the beach. "Hey, the toilet is at the other side!" I shouted but he did not hear me. Suspecting Judas was unprecedented. But at that moment, I just could not lie to myself that nothing's amiss anymore...

I hobbled and followed his muddy foot trail. Not long later, i took in two figures by the sea.

One was surely Judas. I could recognize him through his slightly twisted arm which was caused by the surgery for the fracture. As I went near, I could sense the tension in the air. It was reinforced by a few slightly ominous clouds above the sea and sterile atmosphere with the heavy crushing of waves. Who is he talking to? And why is he talking to him? I pondered. The one in front of him looked anything but saint. I squinted to look at his outfit, which was definitely dark-coloured and not covering up his upper body. Even from here, I could see his strong built shape. A dangerous guy, I concluded shortly.

A while later, there was a sudden burst of laughter. "Juan...money ...debt...no more" I only managed to hear a few words. I changed my squatting position slightly as my ankle was still aching from the injury I bore by fighting for Judas the other time. It inevitably caused me to brush the bushes which rustled.

The two persons ceased their conversation and Judas looked towards my direction. I knew I was spotted and shakily stood up. Before I could ask any question, the hideous smile on Judas's face already stunned me. There was unneglectable craze in his eyes that abhorred and repulsed me. "Hey dude, what are you doing here" Judas smirked. The man beside him also turned around. I gasped. It was the same guy who appeared in the dark alley leading a group of gangsters the other day. This was the only reasonable explanation for Judas' weird actions these days. Or maybe it was just another prank or something, my mind posed an almost impossible speculation. Part of me still did not believe that Judas had double-crossed me even after I saw the evidence with my own eyes. My eyes dilated as the muscular figure approached me. "Hi again, little blister," The hooligan squeezed the words through his teeth, his gruff and hoarse voice reverberating in the air.

I stepped back a few steps, shaking my head in disbelieve. Then the gang started cornering me to the left. I looked desperately at Judas's face, still hoping that he will ask them to stop and geekily tell me that it was just a joke, but he didn't. I backed again and scanned around desperately. Suddenly, I was awe struck and for a minute there was nothing but an image of Judas standing there in my mind.

At this perfect angle, the green envious apple aligned with his face and shrouded our friendship. Perhaps it was the devil, or the devilish snake in the garden of Eden that took form in his shape.

"Ouch!" I whined as a blow landed my face. A liquid blurred my vision and I felt something cool tingling down my cheeks. I could not remember the next scene. Darkness and uncanny cold smothered me. But I knew that I would not grant Judas's wish this time. I pressed the "stop recording" button on my phone and forced out a smile that hid my sorrow...



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