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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2137356
Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Comedy · #2137356
Dialogue with a foul mouthed Jack O' Lantern. Dialogue 500 winner.
“Ow, Ow, Owwwwww, you miserable scum sucking wench. That hurts.”

“Who said that? Where are you? I have a knife in my hand.”

“I know you have a knife, you illegitimate daughter of a scullery maid, you’ve been carving my head for an hour.”

“Hey! You’re a talking pumpkin? I never knew there was such a thing. You’re a little abrasive, you know that? If you’ll shut up for a minute, I’ll finish your earholes.”

“There are no talking pumpkins, you plague-sore of a woman. I’m a talking Jack O’ Lantern, there’s a difference. And if you wanted a “sweet” personality, why did you carve me with evil eyes and a mouth full of fangs?”

“Alright, enough of the insults there, Ichabod or I'll set you out on the step. I’m sure the little delinquents next door would love to kick your face in. In case you didn’t know, slime for brains, it’s Halloween. You’re supposed to look scary.”

"Ohhh, thanks for the information, Einstein. Hey! For a second there, you looked like me. I think you're carving your own face. Now there are two bat-faced gargoyle wannabes in the world.”

“That’s it. I’m putting a candle in your empty head and setting you on the fence post. Go insult the trick or treaters. Just remember, we have a rock driveway and you make a good target.”

“Sure, go ahead, fungus breath. Put me out on a post. I’ll insult all your neighbors and tell them I’m your new boyfriend. This ought to be fun.”

“Hmmm. You’re right. You could do some damage with that foul mouth of yours.”

“Don’t blame me, you slavering sow, you carved it.”

“Hmmmmm, now let me think. Since you’re no good for Halloween, perhaps some of my leftovers from the Fourth of July would come in handy?”

“Uh oh, the great toad faced beauty is trying to think. There may be an explosion! Hey where are you going? What are you doing with that box of Cherry bombs?”

“There, one Cherry bomb between each of your teeth”

“Arrgghh fallah gruggah swich marashat fust”

“And now I’ll just twist the fuses together, like so. What have you got to say now, Eminem?”

“Gorgahsh smelish jurva cumly shnorafoon”

“Just as I thought. I’m taking you out to the field and blowing you into two acres of pumpkin pie filling. Then I’m going to carve a nice Jack O’ Lantern with kind eyes and friendly smile.”

“Smesh phatol buzzkims shmagle widge” Kaplooey!!
© Copyright 2017 J. Lynn Lindsay (buzzltyr at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2137356