Press Conference with a Demonic Woman running for a position in the Local Government.
Demonic Woman Running
for Political Office
PRESS CONFERENCE TRANSCRIPTMs. Farrell: My name is Francine Farrell. I am an American Citizen of Demonic Origin, who is well qualified to represent the, shall we say ‘unique’ Constituency of this Community; and I am campaigning against the widespread domination of Wussyism in our culture. To begin with, I have joined the Nationwide campaign to have all Vampire Towns, and other types of Demon Communities, including my home Community of Sangreville here, designated as ‘Sanctuary Communities’ for Demonic Beings.
Does anyone have any Questions?
ABC Reporter: Good evening, Francine. Nice to meet you.
If I can jump right in with my first question: What makes you "well-qualified" to represent your community?
Ms. Farrel: According to the U.S. Constitution, all anyone needs to do to qualify for public office is be an American Citizen of or above a certain age. The qualifying age to be a Member of the Sangreville Town Council, is 30 years of age. In that I am far more than qualified. I am a demon in human form, who has just celebrated her 1146th birthday. And no one who attended the Party, has any idea of how I was able to blow out all those candles on my birthday cake. I'm not sure about that myself.
Now do you or anyone else have any other questions?
CBS Reporter: What made you decide to run for office?
Ms. Farrel: Well it wasn't a decision I made entirely on my own. The idea didn't just come into my head. It was based on many discussions I've been involved in, over a good amount of time. What we members of the "Ghoulies, Ghosties, Weird Kinds of Beasties, and Things That Go Bump in the Night" Crowd have been discussing, is the fact that we are the ones who actually run things here in Sangreville. We've decided that the time has come for us to come out of the Darkness, and take responsibility for our Community. In order to do that, we needed a spokesman; or spokeswoman; or spokes-being.
Since I'm the Member of the Supernatural Crowd, who spends the most amount of time with the ordinary Mortal Citizens of Sangreville, I'm the one who's been chosen for the task. The Mortals know me as the owner of the Forbidden Arts R Us Magic Shop; and part owner of the Bouncing Casket Nightclub. They see me in both places all the time. They know that I'm an easy person to get along with. That just makes me the natural choice to be the Supernatural Candidate. I not only have the support of the Dark Beings, I also have the backing of a very large number of mortal citizens.
NBC Reporter: How is it going with door to door campaigning? Does sensitivity to sunlight present a problem for you in meeting with your constituents?
Ms. Farrel: There is no "Door to door campaigning" going on. All the campaign meetings are taking place at night, inside the Bouncing Casket Nightclub; where the crowds are very large and very enthusiastic. Very few people are showing up at any of my opponent's events.
Local Reporter: Do you have any love interests?
Ms. Farrel: NO COMMENT!!!!
CBS Reporter: Are the poles open at night? What strategy do you have to get your voters registered and to get them to the poles on Election Day—er Night?
Ms. Farrell: The poles will be opened from 6 AM until 9 PM. Plenty of time for every registered voter in Sangreville, the vast majority of whom are mortals, to vote. On the first Tuesday in November, those who are allergic to daylight, will have 2 & 1/2 hours of darkness in which to cast their ballots.
NBC Reporter: Candidate Farrell.
Do you have a campaign manager? What about the size of your war chest? And have you received funding from a political party? Lastly, when is your next fund raising event, so that I can attend? What about yard signs? Do you have colors and a slogan?
Ms. Farrell: What is my Slogan? "Wussyism Must Die!"
I tell you gal, this entire Dimension of Humanity on Earth is dying from Wussyism!
There's this big Holiday Game coming up; the "Gladiators" versus the "Warriors". Everyone says they're gonna "massacre" each other. But guess what? They're not real gladiators or real warriors. Those are the just the names of football teams; and when they call it a "massacre", it's just a figure of speech. Nobody is going to die! What's the point of having a holiday, if nobody's gonna die?
I think that's a good question for a demonic candidate to ask. Would you agree?
Now I remember back in the Demon Realm, when I attended ole' Beelzebub High. All our team sports were genuine massacres; and everyone who got killed, had his or her head impaled on a stake. Then when the game ended, one cheerleader from the winning team was always hanged from the losing team's goal post. That was just to be fair, and it was the right thing to do. Don't you agree?
Well as for me, I fought on the girl's squad, of the Gladiator Team. I killed more than a dozen opponents. I got killed myself, and my own head was impaled on stakes four times. Then the next day, our headless bodies stood up, walked over to the stakes, picked up our heads and put them back on.
Now personally, those are the kind of games I'd like see them start playing here at our local alma mater, Sangreville High, but that won't be easy. It’s gonna take a lot of work on my part; along with with a lot of help from others, before it stops being a wussy school.
As for fund raising. That won't be happening here. I'll be attending a major campaign rally back in my old Demonic Dimension of Beelzebubia, in the City of Beelzebubapolis. At the rally, I will be among many candidates who'll be making speeches. There will also be entertainment, including the usual sacrifices of hunky guys and sexy gals. That's always fun to watch; and after all those non-fatal football games, it's gonna be very refreshing.
You are all welcome to come along; not only to attend the Rally. You'll all be welcome to spend a few days there, getting to know the Demonic Dimension of Beelezebubia; especially my old home town; Beelezebubapolis.
What do you say? Do you want to come along?
ABC Reporter: If I risk getting decapitated I may have to decline. What are the stats from your pre-election poles? Do you have enough support to get elected?
Who is your biggest opponent also running for the seat?
Ms. Farrell: Don't worry. As long as you don't take part in any combat games, your head will probably stay on.
If you'd like to know what you'd have to be dealing with, if you do decide to come to Beelezebubia, I suggest you log on to:
Then after you've read through the whole thing; let me know if you'd still like to come along.
As for your other Questions. The stats are almost 60% in my favor. Which is definitely more than enough support for me to get elected.
My only opponent is our present Council Member from my District, who wants to keep the status quo.
Ms. Farrell: Hello everyone! Francine Farrell here! Still waiting for your questions!
What's happened to the Interview? Where have all the local reporters gone? Where are all the others from all over the Country who had their hands raised? Have they all followed my suggestion and clicked onto what I had posted? I've just checked what I had posted. It's received 182 views.
If they have, does that mean that 182 Interviewers might now all be trapped inside the Demonic Dimension of Beelezebubia? If they have, that means they will not be allowed to return to this Mortal Dimension until they've become demons themselves. To do so they will have to earn their horns, and I don't know if any of them are horny enough.
Now if any of you Interviewers are in Beelzebubia and reading this on line, just contact me here on this website, and I'll see if there's anything I can do to bring you back, still mortal.
ABC Reporter: You commented that your only opponent is the present Council Member from your district. What is his name? Is he human or does he have something supernatural?
Ms. Farrell: Welcome back! This is the first I've heard from any of you Interviewers since last Wednesday. That's seven days. I've been wondering what's happened to you. I'll have to admit that I've wondered whether you've followed my demonic deception, and found yourselves spending those seven day in the Demonic Realm of Beelzebubia? If so, that means that you've earned your horns, and returned to this Mortal Realm demonized, and are now Immortal.
If that's what's happened, Congratulations! Welcome to the Immortal Cabal!
Now you're asking about my only opponent as candidate for the Town Council. His name is Henry Luzak. He's now 72 years old, mortal, and been a Council Member for more than 30 years. It's past time for him to retire, and allow us of the next generation, whose members happen to be members of the Immortal Cabal, to take over.
Those members include me, and may now include you; much sooner than you think.
Welcome back again!
CBS Reporter: Based on some earlier comments, I wonder if you can confirm what will happen to any humans in this district if you win? Is this something that is part of your campaign?
What challenges do you face in getting elected?
Ms. Farrell: What will happen to the Humans of this Community, is the focus of my campaign. There is more to my Campaign than just opposition to Wussyism. It’s how the Citizens of Sangreville will benefit from my being elected, which is my platform.
What will happen to the humans in Sangreville, is that things will be better than ever, not only for us of the Demonic Persuasion; but our Mortal Neighbors will also benefit.
Until now, Sangreville has been shunned. That is understandable. Being known as a vampire town and demonic community has been enough to keep most people away. Even those who have legitimate reasons to come here, get their business done quick and are away from here as fast as possible.
That is going to change. We are going to see to it that Sangreville becomes a major Tourist Resort Town. We will have Marriot and other major Hotel Chains operating here. There will be top class restaurants and nightclubs with top entertainment.
We will be another Vegas, but even darker than that Sin City.
The major attraction will be the fact that the Entrance to the Demonic Realm of Beelezebubia is located right here in Sangreville. We’ll arrange for Guided Tours of the Realm. Not only that. Much of what goes on in the Demonic Realm, will be duplicated right here in this Mortal Community of ours.
We will have public displays of human sacrifices to Beelezub and other Demonic Deities. A major Stadium will be constructed, where Teams of Warrior Guys and Gals will be fighting to the death in Gladiator Games, against Teams from other Demonic Communities.
Some of the Restaurants will offer cannibal meals on the menu. There will also be other dark activities featured. All of this together will be of great financial benefit to all of our Citizens, not only those who are Demonic, but the Mortals will also be included.
That is my Campaign Platform, by which I expect to be elected by a major landslide; easily overcoming any challenges!
NBC Reporter: What do you say to those mortals who are afraid Sangreville is becoming too demonic? I hear there is a fraction calling for mass exorcisms.
On the other side what do you say to the demons who say humans are only fit to be sacrifices and should be limited to that role in society?
Ms. Farrell: It turns out that my opponent, Assemblyman Henry Luzak won’t be as easy to defeat as I’d originally thought. He has the full backing of Mrs. Josephine Sheridan, the mother of Paula Sheridan, the late Vampire Staker of Sangreville.
He also has the backing of the local Born Again Christians. There aren't that many, but they are very powerful; especially the Born Again Christian Vampires, who only drink the blood of animals.
They are strongly opposed to my program of eliminating Wussyism and turning our Community into a Demonic Resort. Like I said, there aren't too many of them but they have access to Great Power.
Their official slogan is "Resist the Devil and he will flee from you."
This Campaign of mine is going to be much more difficult than I thought. Even if I win, they will always be in the way. And that is their Constitutional Right.
Local Reporter: Oh. Mrs. Josephine Sheridan sounds interesting, particularly if she pretends not to have demonic power but in actuality does. She might be really nasty.
Ms. Farrell: Anyone who wants to know more about Mrs. Josephine Sheridan, and Sangreville in general should go to:
Once you've checked it out, you'll have a very good understanding of everything and everyone I'll have to be dealing with.
Thank you all. Good night.
ABC Reporter: And good night to you, Candidate Farrell.