by Biz D.
A poem about maternal rejection.
|Do you know how much it hurt
How much pain I'm in
When you said if I'm like this, you won't support me, mother?
You are such a hypocrite, your best friend is a Lesbian.
Yet your daughter cannot be.
I can't change who I am.
Now I will never be able to talk to you about anything
You've made me trap my feelings
With all old friends too far away
because of moving
With no father figure to trust
Because you fall for the wrong guys
I love you
Why can't you accept me the way i am?
I'll never be good enough for you.
I'd even kill myself, but I fear pain.
And I have much to live for.
\But the pain.
It hurts so much.
You even favor my sister
Just because she is young.
One day i am beatiful,
The next day you scream at me that i am a fat ass whom will amount to nothing.
Why can't you just make up your mind?
I don't want to Change.
Because no matter who I am
I'll never be good enough
I love myself
I AM beautiful.
Even at 230 pounds.
Even with bad hygeine at times.
Even if I like girls.
You make me feel like nothing
Because thats all you say I will amount to
You make me wish I was never spawned
In your 17 year old belly
Because you make life almost as painful as death.
Why am I never good enough?
You make me think you hate me.
I know I am blessed.
I have many nice things.
But those are THINGS,
Not my feelings.
I Hurt so much
I cry so much
I ignore it most days
But some it comes crashing down
And I can't stop the tears now.
I just hope someday I will.