|“You know, I've never been as happy as I was that morning“
There is a moment in life when we understand that this is Love. Not affection. Love. We feel it. A silent happiness when life is full of meaning. It's like snow in the middle of summer. It's hard to talk about it. This means being vulnerable. No one is to blame. It can happen to any of us. It changes everything around. It changes us: our life, our soul. Why do we love? A mystery. But suddenly we discover a new world, huge one, we feel it. It becomes as important as ours. And we want to be with this person, know more about him, do things together, his opinion becomes important. We share his happiness and sadness. We timidly explore this new planet and we love it. It feels like home. Do we have a right to love? Are we allowed to love, should we ask permission before landing? Are we able to love the way another person wants to be loved?
God, teach us how to love! Take care of our beloved when we can't be with them and every minute, forever and ever.
It was a usual late winter evening. Marie had just returned home. She was discussing with her friend what to do on weekend.
- Night club? - Marie suggested
- Yes, there is a show in one and after that a disco up to the morning .
- Great, gonna buy a new dress for this. See you there.
Marie saw a new message. She read it and then reread it. She met this guy before but they didn't talk much. There were typos in every word. Was he drunk? Crazy? This was so strange. Why did he write to her? He was older and they seemed to have nothing in common. It looked like a total nonsense.
- I don't know if you agree to go with me... - he murmured.
Then there was a link to event. Lots of typos made her furious . "He doesn't respect me - she thought. - and doesn't respect the language he speaks. Low culture? So many illiterate self confident drunk smug idiots in this world!"
But then another thought came to her mind: what if he is just shy? Maybe he could invite a girl only when he is drunk. She checked the link and found the event interesting.
"Ok- she thought. I can always send this idiot to hell if he starts irritating me too much".
Now she was interested in the event and didn't want to miss it with or without him.
- Yes, I will go with you - she wrote.
- 0k, I'll send you the address - he quickly answered.
She made a note in her diary and forgot about this talk. The thought of dancing in a night club in a new dress was more exciting. In her mind there were thousand of possible dresses. She heard the music, she saw guys paying attention to her. They were young, handsome, with beautiful slim bodies. They were good dancers.
Saturday evening came. She was in a stunning short dress. She took a cocktail and pizza. Time went by very quickly. The disco was great. Closer to the morning she felt sleepy. Her friend was watching people around.
- Look at that guy! He is always surrounded by girls! I want to talk to him. Come to him and bring him here. I want a free champaign - her friend demanded.
The guy seemed to be rich and was not short of girls. Every time he sat down girls that always followed him immediately sat on his knees. It was a pity he had only 2 legs. Was it comfortable for him to keep these girls on his knees? They were young, slim and sexy but they could be heavy. The guy even didn't touch them. His look said: all these girls, lots of money, this beautiful life - I've had enough of it, i can't look at this but I must. And he drank this champaign, kept these girls near him, ate without desire this expansive food. Otherwise how would people understand that he had money. This was a burden for him. But he felt that this was worthy when he saw looks full of envy.
- Look, he has no place on his knees and near him. Too many girls want his champaign. - Marie explained.
- But I want it!
- Then go and talk to him!
- I am shy.
- Look, I am invited today and I want to sleep a couple of hours. I will take a taxi.
Marie left. A taxi driver was talkative.
- Are you from night club?
- Why aren't you drunk then?
She felt sleepy and wanted to be in her bed as soon as possible.
- Are you searching for a guy? I am single. Do I fit you? - the taxi driver kept on asking questions
He drove her home very quickly.
She got a message from her friend: "Such a guy! He took a taxi for me, he kissed me!"
Marie closed her eyes and fell asleep. In some hours she heard an alarm bell. She had not enough sleep and was quite unhappy that now she needed to wake up.
"The same idiots day and night. No fun." - she thought.
She put on another dress.
"He had invited a girl. That means I should look like a girl. I should be in a dress. We can't waste time identifying me". - she thought.
It was time to go out. She didn't drink coffee and was falling asleep. She used a navigator to find the place. It was not easy though it seemed to her that she had already been there. She came on time. He was there.
"At least he is not late" - she thought. She hated when guys were late. She hated waiting. Once she was waiting for one guy. She baked a cake for him. He was 10 or 15 minutes late. She was not happy about it and to calm herself down she didn't notice how she ate the whole cake alone. Now she would not refuse to eat something and drink coffee. But she didn't know if they had time and she would not go alone to eat. She thought it would be not polite. And she wanted to be good and polite.
He was not talkative as if shy. It was not a problem. It was even sweet. After sleepless night it was very calm and comfortable with him. She felt so easy with him even without words. She felt she was seating in a comfortable armchair. She could relax with him. She felt him. She was grateful for such an atmosphere. She knew nothing about him but she felt home. She was enjoying every minute. He told about himself and this was amazing. They were completely different but so alike. When they parted he touched her hand. This was strange but she didn't mind. Just a quick touch, maybe official one but it felt terrific. She looked into his eyes. It was a first time she looked into his eyes. They were fantastic. He was calm, half smiling. She was sorry they had to part. She had another event very close to that place. With other people. And she rushed there. But she kept the memories of him. Next morning and some other days she didn't think about him. And she would completely forget about this meeting if they didn't meet again by chance. He hugged and kissed her, he had never done this before. They talked. Maybe he liked her. The more they talked the more she was lost in his eyes. There were several other good bye hugs and she felt every next hug he took her closer to him. They were holding each other tight. She really enjoyed his touch. Now she knew a lot about him. If she had an exam checking her knowledge of him she would pass it easily. What did he know about her? She didn't know. He asked some questions, she answered. Was he listening? She didn't know. She saw his eyes, his look. She was happy with him. It was full of meaning for her. He suggested to meet again. He couldn't come and then she was not in the country. She was thinking of him. She missed him. It felt like eternity. She closed her eyes and saw his face, so dear to her. She traveled. Different towns. She came to cafes with people. She imagined them sitting together hugging. And when she thought about it other people stopped existing. Only him and her. She remembered she had his picture among others on mobile phone. She looked at it and felt better. He was there, she felt his presence. She talked to him. Did he hear her? She took his picture close to heart and kissed it. In her thoughts she talked to him all the time. She wanted his love, it was not just physical attraction. There was not a minute she would not think about him. He was inside of her. He was safe, warm and loved insight of her. One day she was standing on a bridge, she heard a legend. It said that all wishes on this bridge were granted. Even very ill people become healthy. She made a wish. She was standing there with a hope in her eyes. She was dying without his love. "He will meet me and we will be sitting close to each other talking in some cosy cafe, there will be no people around and he will be hugging me" - she wished. She felt him, his body. She didn't believe in granting wishes but she was not able to think, she was up to her ears in her love, in thoughts about him. She suddenly forgot about her freedom, independence that she cherished so much. He was older but it didn't worry her. She wanted to be with him.
And then they met. And it was the way she wanted. The legend didn't lie. Her wish was granted. They were sitting close to each other and he was hugging her. This was just hugging but it meant so much for her. She never felt so happy as that day, that morning. He was also happy. He was tender. It was magic. He suggested to meet again. Marie was a busy girl. And there were things that wanted her attention. But she forgot about it and was totally into him.
She came home thinking that she was the happiest girl in the universe. She lay on the sofa feeling his touch, his body, his hands holding her. She loved him. But did he ever feel even a bit of what she felt to him?
Later she got a message from him that she should forget about him, that she is not in the list of his priorities. For her it was the end of the world. At first she wanted, she tried to convince herself that he had no value. But then she just accepted his decision with love in her heart. She loved him and this was unconditional. He didn't need her and this meant she was free.
Free to give her love to somebody else.
What happens with love? Does it die? I think not. It is always with us, in our heart, in our memories.
God, please, show us the way another person wants to be loved and teach us to love him! Take care of our beloved (past and present) when we can't be with them and every minute, forever and ever!