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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2142771
Rated: E · Non-fiction · Emotional · #2142771
You didn't deserve my time and energy
There was something off about you. The way I always felt drained after talking with you. I never really understood it at the time because it was overpowered by how accepted and joyful I felt. Why was I so impatient? I trusted you too fast; something I haven’t done in years because of how detrimental it made things the last time I did. I thought I made the right call in choosing to open up to you, but within weeks, I realized it was probably one of the worst mistakes I could have made. I soon found out that you were every bit the person I despised. Your values, deep down, were the complete opposite of what you portrayed to the world or maybe I just chose to only look at the things I wanted to see. I was so desperate for someone to listen that I didn’t take the same precautions I usually did. When I trusted you, I knew I was letting down walls that shouldn’t have been let down, but I thought you were worth it; I was so wrong.
The outcome of everything may have been worse than the last time this happened. Maybe it’s because there was such an abrupt ending and I barely had time to prepare myself. Seeing you almost every day, afterward, made things so much worse. You never yelled at me when I ended our friendship even though I knew you had so much to say. It’s even worse when I hear that you’re talking behind my back about what happened. I asked you if you had anything to say because I wanted everything to be out in the open, but you just brushed it off. It made me so frustrated that you wouldn’t just tell me what you were thinking; I couldn’t care less about what you had to say, as long as you said it to me. I needed something more to prove to myself that I made the right choice. I needed closure. I never really got it, but I learned to stop feeling anxious every time I saw or thought about you. It was hard at first. Feeling like I had given you a piece of myself, but then having to cope with the fact that you knew something about me that you didn’t deserve to know. I had to learn that I couldn’t have control over the information you possessed. What made it even harder was the fact that everyone around me kept talking about what happened between us. The hateful words people said about you didn’t make it any better. I knew I had to forgive myself in order to move on, and the negative energy just prolonged the process. I don’t regret ending our friendship, but I regret giving you my time and energy.
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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2142771