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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2143612-Dear-Friends
Rated: E · Letter/Memo · Contest Entry · #2143612
Christmas letter from the Crenshaws. The Writers Cramp Entry, Words:700


ear Friends
         I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. It was a pretty quiet year after that 7-day long thunderstorm at the beginning of December. You know how Grandma Threddle is about her Bingo and now that he finally retired she doesn't want to spend much time at home with Grampa Threddle. Anyway mid-week she got hit by lightning going to Bingo. She refused to go to the hospital until after Bingo and on the way to the hospital ( she drove herself, you know how she is about driving ) the bridge went out and took her and her '94 Buick down the river. Poor dear old Granny, last report we got, she was hole up at the state-line in another Bingo hall. Grandpa Threddle is thinking that come Spring he might head down there and fetch her back.
         In October we got an unexpected visit from old friends, the Darings. They'd just gotten back from a 5 year trip around Yorkshire England. We were pretty excited about that and wanted to see some pictures but they said their camera ran out of film and that England had a film shortage. They were pretty tan so the weather must have been nice. They said they finally left when they started running out of sliced cheese. Imagine that, running out of sliced cheese. Maybe we should start a charity drive to get some shipped there.
         We had a family reunion on Labor day and it got a little out of hand; we are still on the lookout for cousins Chase and Finn. They were last seen heading south running on the high-tension wires. Looks like the apple cider may have been off. Uncle Theo doesn't know when the apple cider went bad but is pretty sure it was some time after the sinkhole opened up in his cellar still. He said the dwarves that came out of the hole kept meddling with his setup. In an unrelated note cousins Jesse, Theresa, Jassy, and Lupe are pregnant. Everyone is pretty excited about that, except their parents, of course.
         June marked a big milestone for the family, one of our family finally graduated from college. We don't know who it is, for sure, yet but when we do find out we are going to have a huge celebration.
         In May my granddaughter Francine, while trying to earn a merit badge, managed to summon a demon. Well, that was what she was trying to do but actually, she only managed to summon a kitten with an extra toe. It's was a cute little fellow but it's gotten pretty big lately. We had to move him to the old abandoned gypsum mine since he kept knocking down the garage.
         In March the annual Shicalilly Race went off without a hitch. There were almost 23 entries and they all managed to get past the starting posts this year. Last count 29 made it to the finish line. Cousin Jessy won (this was afore she got pregnant.) There were some complaints about no one seeing her at the starting line but she crossed the finish line in a wheelchair and that's what counts. She must be in pretty good shape under that fat to go 13 miles cross-country in a stolen wheelchair. Anyway, she got to be Grand Marshall at the Labor Day parade.
         At the end of January, we finally found cousins Harold, Molly, and Nubs. They'd been missing since that blizzard buried us in the first week of January. They were in pretty good shape considering they'd been in the old abandoned gypsum mine the whole time. Frank, Harold's father said that Nubs was acting pretty weird at first but seems to have settled down and actually passed 8th grade this time. They say the 6th time is a charm! Harold and Molly seem to spend a lot of time together these days, too. Their voice is different too but being stuck in a gypsum mine for a month would probably affect anyone.
         So, all in all, it was a pretty uneventful year. I hope you have a pleasant New Year and a Merry Christmas.

The Crenshaws.

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