Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2146282
by TJ
Rated: 18+ · Poetry · Nonsense · #2146282
An unlucky moose meets up with a moron.
Disclaimer: This poem is written from the perspective of the MORON. The aforementioned "moron" is NOT ME! I am an avid lover of all animals, and would never knowingly cause harm to one. Unless of course, it was trying to eat me, or something! Ergo, please note that NO MOOSES (sp) were harmed in the production of this poem.


Grew tired of the grind, left my iPhone behind, an' I took me a stroll in the woods
Just me and my gear, an' a six-pack o' beer, feelin' good in my wanderin' duds
Yep, wanderin' ponderin', hither an' yonderin' - nowhere with nothin' to do
So I dug me a hole an' I fixed me a bowl o' my left-over pemican stew ...

Through the bushes ahead, as I turned my old head, I could swear that I heard me a sound
I got down on my knees thinkin' what could that be? 'Till I saw what was movin' around
As I focused my glasses, what next came to pass is, I spied me a hairy rear-end
It was stuck as could be twixt a couple o' trees, just a little ways 'round the next bend

The rear-end had a tail, an' it's owner was wailin'. He wasn't a happy old chap
'Twas a big ol' bull moose an' he couldn't get loose, but I thought, why should I give a crap?
Then I got an idea, an' snuck up from the rear, an' I hid in a tall stand o' grass
When the wind changed a trifle, I grabbed my ol' rifle and rammed it straight up the brute's ass!

'Twas a helluva goose, but it broke the beast loose! He said, "Thanks, eh?" an' started to run ...
once again free to roam, an' I would've gone home, but he still had my gun up his bum!
So I followed his trail, over hill, over dale - 'til I figured he'd gotten away
Then I heard a great "MOO!", an' so that's when I knew he was headin' for Pemican Bay

Refrain: "Ohhhhh .. "

*Music2* "Frozed-over Pemican Bay ....
Frozed-over Pemican Bay ...
In the dark of December
you'll always remember
how frozed is old Pemican Bay!"

Well the bay was frozed-over, an' whiter than Dover. The wind it was stingin' and raw
When I finally reached chilly Pemican Beach, by my watch it was twenty-to-four
It was then did I see, like a boat on the sea - seemed to be slowly floating away
Thru the wind of the squall, he grew smaller an' smaller, on frozed-over Pemican Bay

So I hollered an' yelled o'er the cold wintry hell, 'til he surely quit walkin' at last!
There was no way he knew, when he took his next poo, he could blow a big hole in his ass!
Plus I wanted my gun! I admit it was dumb what I did with it back in the trees ...
'Twas a gift from my Mother, an' I ain't got no other! Oh Lord, let me have it back please!

The moose stopped, turned his head, like he'd heard what I'd said! An' then started to plod back to shore
What a happy surprise on that frozen horizon - I'd soon have my rifle once more!
With the moose gettin' close he somehow seemed to know somethin' special was happ'nin' that day
N' I sure knew it too, though my smile had turned blue out on frozed-over Pemican Bay!

Refrain: "Ohhhhh …..

*Music2* "Frozed-over Pemican Bay
Frozed-over Pemican Bay ...
What I shouldn't o' done
is let go o' me gun
Now I'm frozen on Pemican Bay!"

He seemed unafraid, as he casually made his way closer n' closer to me
So I held out my arms, showin' I meant no harm n' that's all that he needed to see
His magnificent head would look great o'er me bed! But I shook the thought out of my mind
I sure had his trust - but I knew now I must do a probe of his hairy behind

His arse seemed intact! As a matter o' fact there had been very little blood shed
But when I touched the trigger, his arsehole got bigger - his body detached from his head!
There was blood everywhere! I said, "OOPSIE, how CARELESS of me! Guess it just ain't your day!"
'Twas a little bit gory, but so goes the story of frozed-over Pemican Bay

Refrain: "Ohhhhh …..

*Music2* "Frozed-over Pemican Bay
Frozed-over Pemican Bay ...
As the North Winds blow cold
he's a tortured old soul
out on frozed-over Pemican Bay!"

And now late at night, 'neath the silvery light o' the moon over Pemican Bay
If ya listen real close, ya can hear his ol' ghost, it's a haunting "MOO" far, far away
Cuz he's wandrin' an' ponderin', hither an' yonderin' - winter thru spring an' the fall
Even though he's quite dead, still in search of his head. But it's over my bed, on the wall ...

Refrain: "Ohhhhh …..

*Music2* "Frozed-over Pemican Bay
Frozed-over Pemican Bay
May his spirit find peace
with the Canada Geese
flyin' over ol' Pemican Bay!"

... "May his spirit find peace
with the Canada Geese
flyin' over ol' Pemican Bay!"

The End

© Copyright 2018 TJ (toffer at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Log in to Leave Feedback
Not a Member?
Signup right now, for free!
All accounts include:
*Bullet* FREE Email @Writing.Com!
*Bullet* FREE Portfolio Services!
Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2146282