A mouse has a very bad evening.
|'twas dead of night - All Hallow's Eve. I wakened to a sound
a gnawing noise - I knew at once, a rodent was around
He'd found a Cheese Dorito, or perhaps an Oreo
that fell behind my nightstand, 'bout a month or so ago
The sound it carried on n' on, much more, I couldn't take
'Twas ruinin' my beauty sleep - 'twas keepin' me awake
"Surely he'll be done soon?" said the voice inside my head
"The racket should diminish, when he's finished getting fed?"
One thing for sure, that little guy seemed unafraid n' plucky
That's why I let him eat his fill, then named him "Lucky Chucky"
Ergo I lay there, very still - I listened, and I waited
so patiently and calm until at last the noise abated
"Now hurry home, " I then advised him, "to your little missus
n' thank your lucky stars that you're not sleepin' with the fishes."
But in the end ol' Chucky wasn't lucky after all
'cuz all this time my kitty had been lurkin' in the hall
Predictably he pounced n' left no doubt he was the winner
It seemed at last, ol' Chucky's ass was done - just like his dinner
"So sorry, Mrs. Chucky - hubby won't be home no more
He tangled with my kitty. Now he's mangled on the floor!"
As cats will do, when he was through, he left the corpse for me
'cuz Chuck was done, and no more fun. And so, he let him be
Then grumpily I rose, and as I stumbled from my bed
"Don't take too long!" grumbled the voice from up inside my head
I picked up Chucky by the tail, a'careful not to drop him
until I reached the toilet bowl, where into it, I plopped him
With clumps of hair no longer there, n' whiskers all askew
his back was bent n' twisted, and an ear was missing too
Ol' Kitty'd roughed him up real good - of that, there's no denyin'
A part of me felt bad for Chuck, but weren't no point in cryin'
Then Grumpy Voice he said to me, "Make sure he's good n' dead!"
That's when I saw him move a paw, then move his puny head
Then all at once, I gazed amazed, as much to my surprise
a miracle unfolded, right before my very eyes!
Ol' Chucky wagged his partial tail, then twiched his furry nose
'Twas then he started wigglin' all his tiny little toes
Next thing he looked right up at me, with sorrow in his eyes
They seemed to say, "Don't flush me, please! I do not wanna die!
One simple act o' kindness shouldn't be so hard to do
I've got a wife n' eighty kids. Oh please, I'm beggin' you!"
'Twas then he started swimmin' - bravely fighting for his life
against all odds, still hoping once again to see his wife
At last he stopped, exhausted, raised his little eyes to me
n' bobbed between the tiny waves - his future up to me
"I promise you I'll go straight home!" I'd swear I heard him say
"I'd really rather be in bed. It's been a lousy day!"
A tiny tear formed in my eye, then trickled down my cheek
Poor Chucky seemed so helpless now - so timid and so meek
I felt a tug within my heart - compassion in my soul
for chewed-up little Chucky, floating in my toilet bowl
I reached my hand down to him, then I stroked him ever slightly
But that was when the rotten little bugger tried to bite me!
I pulled my hand out just in time - the voice inside me said,
"What's WRONG with you? Let's get this DONE! Let's make this rodent DEAD!
You're tired. You're beat. You've had no sleep. You're at your bloody limit
If it was YOU, instead of HIM, he'd flush you in a minute"
"Come on, let's MOVE!" ol' Grumpy urged me, "Whatcha WAITIN' for?
Just one ride down the water slide - he'll pester us no more."
And so I gave a final wave, to my furry little friend
Poor Chucky, this just ain't your day, n' it's all about to end
Decision made, I said, "So long ... Farewell to you, I bid."
An' I SWEAR he flipped the BIRD at me as I closed the toilet lid!
I pushed hard on the lever, heard the water swirl around!
'Twas then I heard myself proclaiming, "Drown, you sumbitch, drown!"
The deed was done. So back I went n' climbed upon my bed
The room was quiet as a mouse, now the little rat was dead
No other meece this night (I hoped) would dare to make a peep
So I pulled the covers o'er me, then I drifted off to sleep
But in my dreams, ol' Chucky had arisen from the dead!
"He's comin' back to GET YOU!" hissed the voice inside my head
Chuck squeezed beneath the toilet seat, an' plopped down to the floor
then flopped an' plopped an' sloshed his way toward the bathroom door
He slithered underneath it, then he sloshed into my room
I heard him slosh n' sliver as I shivered in the gloom
My eyes were wide with TERROR - 'twas a pounding in my head
That's when I saw the Mouse From HELL! His eyes were glowin' RED!
He leapt n' landed on my bed - then bared his fangs n' hissed!
Just what I need - a ZOMBIE MOUSE! An' lookin' pretty PISSED!
I STARED AGHAST, my MOUTH AGAPE! T'is all AGOG was I
The HORRID APPARITION NEARED! I feared my FATE was NIGH
I tried to move, but couldn't - I was frozen in my place
Then undead little Chucky slithered up upon my face
I could not look away, as eyes of FIRE burned into mine
Pure HATRED seething in them, sendin' SHIVERS up my spine!
Now gaggin' from the smell of Cheese Doritos on his breath
in fright I froze, now nose to nose (with my impending DEATH?)
I could not THINK! I could not BREATHE! I couldn't say a WORD
When Chucky shrieked the most BLOOD-CURDLING SHRIEK I've EVER HEARD!
THAT DID IT! I could TAKE NO MORE! I LURCHED AWAKE, a'SCREAMIN'
'Twas only then I realized that I had just been dreamin'
The sweat was dripping from the tossled hair upon my head
A fresh, warm urine sample puddled 'neath me, in the bed
My heart still poundin' in my chest, my sanity unbucklin'
'Twas then I heard, deep in the dark, an evil, squeaky chucklin'
Was Mrs. Chucky chucklin'? Was it maybe Chucky's ghost?
Which one I wondered to myself, had I pissed off the most?
"Probably the BOTH of 'em!" the voice inside suggested
"Or WORSE, it's Chuck's WHOLE FAMILY! Could be that we're INFESTED!"
The DEVIL VERMIN chuckled on - 'twas growin' ever louder
I meekly called for Kitty, but he'd long since took a powder
Pure PANIC rose, from deep inside! I heard 'em getting near
Then everything went silent. So I listened, ear to ear
'Twas then I heard that GNAWING NOISE! I SCREAMED ALOUD, "OH NOOOOOOO! ...
They've found that DAMNED DORITO!" (or perhaps an Oreo?)