Cupid is not as smart as you think
The Wrong Arrow
"Damn, you almost hit me with that thing! Be careful" Lucas said with a mouth full of anger.
"Don't give me a hard time, man. It IS my job, remember?" Dimitri, the winged creature of folklore, said with attitude.
"You are not supposed to hit me. It is the other nut jobs out there you are supposed to be pointing your arrows toward."
"You think I like sitting here naked as a jaybird with my butt crack visible to everyone? Might as well have been a plumber! My mom would have been more proud of me. She tells people I am a romance artist and then avoids any other questions on the subject. It is so embarrassing, and I do mean BareAss."
"Do you ever quit whining? I am stuck here being your spotter and, apparently, risking life and limb because you are trigger happy. They gave you a loincloth. Why didn't you use it?"
"I'm sorry. I woke up on the wrong side of the cloud. That diaper didn't cover any of my unmentionables. I figured it was better to go "au naturel". it is a little less binding that way. And the damn curls they want me to put in my hair are ridiculous. I don't know how girls do it with that tiny little wand to wrap your hair around. I ended up with a wave instead of curls. I look like Zac Efron. The string on my bow broke this morning, so I had to restring it. You would think they could supply us with decent tools for this crap."
"Are we done, yet? We have a quota to meet or we don't get paid. "
"Yeah, I got just one more thing. Sitting in this tree is causing me to chafe."
"Dude, you are killing me! Can we please get to work? I am asking for another Cupid partner next year."
"Lucas, we train together all year for this one day. You wouldn't really ditch me, would you?"
"No, man, let's just get busy. I think I see someone coming."
A man, tall and slender, was jogging on the track at the park. Intent only on his exercise regimen, he failed to notice Dimitri, the big naked man and Lucas sitting in the tree. Dimitri readied himself for the shot. His archery skills were usually pretty good, but the rough tree branch and bare bottom were messing with his positioning capabilities. He started to fall, but Lucas steadied him.
"Can you shoot the guy before he gets away? I would rather not fall out of this tree. Never tested our insurance or workman's comp, but I'm sure it sucks," Lucas remarked.
"Listen, if you want me to shoot this guy, we have to find a better place to sit. I refuse to be treated for hemorrhoids at 22. "
"Okay, how about over there on the park bench? Just act natural!"
"It is a wooden bench! Splinters, duh?"
"What the hell? Why do I get stuck with the prima donna of cupids? Fine, let's land on the track behind him and shoot him point blank. He will be filled with so much love juice, he will be kissing his dog."
Away they flew, landing just behind the unsuspecting jogger. Dimitri loaded his arrow while pulling his bow taught. He aimed and fired, striking the man in the right shoulder. The jogger fell forward landing on his face. Anyone watching would think he tripped while jogging. After a few seconds of being discombobulated, he rose, dusted himself off and checked himself for injuries. He was overcome with an intense sensation of evil. He took off in a full run towards several women sitting by the playground watching their children playing. His face was a flaming red tinge, and his hair stood high at attention. His eyes grew green and frothy with a scouring look of evil,and his muscles bulged preparing for the wicked work of Satan. No love resided in the man's heart.
"Oh, crap. You put the wrong arrows in the bag!" Lucas screamed.
Dimitri stood dumbfounded watching the man running toward the women. "We got to stop him before he gets there. Any ideas?"
"Quick, just keep shooting him with the arrows. Maybe it will knock him off his feet long enough for us think of something."
Dimitri took aim and kept striking the man with his arrows loaded only with evil juice. As each arrow struck the man, his progression was slowed. The man grew bigger and angrier. The women noticed the man running toward them, gathered their children and headed for cover.
"You got him, good job. Stand back now, it's my turn," Lucas said. He took off running hard at the man, tackling him, throwing the confused jogger to the ground.
They wrestled on the ground with the jogger trying to bite Lucas with his now protruding canines. Lucas tried desperately to dodge the teeth and talons of the infuriated jogger.
Dimitri showed up at the battle to give Lucas aid. He was slow getting to the scene.His bare thighs caused a painful friction as he ran. He pulled from his bag a special arrow always saved for emergencies. Dimitri was worried about hitting Lucas instead of the jogger, so instead of shooting the man, he jabbed the point of the arrow into the right buttock of the jogger.
Hearts of red danced in the air, teeth gnashing and talon swiping ceased immediately. The jogger's muscles receded, his eyes turned a startling shade of blue, and his face blossomed to a rosy, pink color. The feeling of love was so intense that he farted hearts from his shorts. Then he turned to Dimitri.
"I don't know why, but I am deeply in love with you, naked man. I want to make passionate love to you." The jogger swooned.
"Crap! Help me, Lucas!"
"That will teach you to grab the Halloween arrows from Satan's costume, idiot. And remind me to talk to them about getting hazard pay," Lucas said as he walked away leaving Dimitri to fend off the jogger's advances. Or not?
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