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Rated: E · Assignment · Activity · #2153495
https://thewritepractice.com/better-writer-now/ EDITING EXERCISE
ORIGINAL EXERCISE


One of John’s favorite things was the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would sometimes walk there early in the morning when it was still very dark in order to see the city in first light. Often he would see others there who were walking and enjoying the city as well. He was somewhere near Squibb Park when someone came up behind him. She had really blonde hair and was very beautiful and she bumped him roughly as she was running quickly by. He fell, painfully, on his side, and so the woman stopped, and was jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. So, he thought, what am I going to do now?



MY VERSION


John loves viewing the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. Early mornings, he walks to see the city at first light. Near Squibb Park one morning, he stood awaiting the rising sun. Bump! John fell to the ground. He had been thrown off balance by a passing jogger. John looked up, angry and ready to give the inattentive runner a piece of his mind. His eyes moved up tan legs to meet a pair of red shorts. The light of day hit his eyes as he looked at the runner.

“Are you alright?” Said a beautiful blonde. She continued to run in place.

He looked at the woman again. She acted as if she could not wait to leave; how rude! He wanted to tell her to leave but a sharp pain jabbed his side. John tried to evaluate his pain level. ‘I may need her help.’ He thought for a second. After all, she was responsible for his fall. What would he do?
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