Comedic Kitty-Cat Hijinks - Story-Poem Winner!
|One night, all settled in my chair
I thought I'd watch Stephen Colbert
Turned on the TV - there I sat
when out of nowhere sprang my cats!
The kitten (CeeJay) chose my lap
and curled up so's to take a nap
His older brother (Chakotay)
jumped on the chair-arm, where he lay
Just as my show was 'bout to start
somebody cut a silent fart!
It stunk as bad as bad can be
Chakotay mewed, "Hey, that weren't ME!"
I said, "You lyin', smelly cat
it's yours alright, I'll tell ya that!"
"Well that's a lie! " he mew-replied
"Besides, I got an alibi! "
I said, "Let's hear it, by all means"
He said, "I seen you eating beans!"
"So now you're blamin' ME?" I scoffed
"Why don't you just go booger off?"
"That alibi ain't gonna fly!
An' here's the simple reason why -
You got no witnesses, so that's
the end of that, you ornery cat!"
"Okay," he hissed back, "as you wish
But you ain't heard the last of this!"
Then with one long indignant glare
he gracefully leapt from my chair
Went to his food dish, grabbed a snack
flipped me the bird, then turned his back
And as he trotted out of view
meowed, "I'm tellin' mom on you!"
"Go right ahead, you lousy snitch!"
(sometimes he's quite the wee sumbitch)
But stirring now, down in my lap
CeeJay had wakened from his nap
He looked so cute just lying there
a precious little ball of fur
He must have woke from all the clatter
Then he mew-squeeked, "What's the matter?"
I stroked his little head real slow
and said, "Nothin' you need to know
It's all good, my dear little friend
Why don't you go to sleep again?"
I felt pure love in my heart stirrin'
when little CeeJay started purrin'
But somethin' else, to my chagrin
was also stirrin' deep within
I realized, with true regret
them beans weren't finished with me yet
The pain it grew … until at last
I let rip with one mighty blast!
Poor CeeJay jumped straight up, then fell
down to the floor, mewed, "What the HELL?"
then took off running for the stairs
where sat Chakotay, waiting there
He never mewed a word to me
just sat and stared judgementally
He had that right, I must admit
I'd lost, he'd won ... that little shit!
I knew that I'd betrayed their trust
but rather than make any fuss
alas, with no cats anywhere
alone, I watched Stephen Colbert ..