Random scribbles and scrabbles of a chaotic mess that is my brain right now.
Am I your trash or your treasure?
You say I'm the latter but treat me like the former
You went from being my savior to another tormentor
When I felt like less than dirt, you made me feel like gold
When I felt like cowering, you made me feel bold
When I felt like dying, you made me want to wait until I grew old
When I felt like giving up, on my own life you had me sold
But now that I feel like less than dirt
Now that I feel like cowering
Now that I feel like dying
Now that I feel like giving up
Wanting to give in to every temptation hidden within
Where are you?
Where is the promise you made?
"None of it matters. It doesn't matter."
Those are words to remember
They'll burn my heart until nothing is left but a cinder
To you, I was nothing but a giver
Every bit I gave you put into a blender
Now you're serving it back to me as dinner
A harsh truth to swallow, another reminder
You wanted forever
Now, every stone ahead is a reason we can't be together
When we used to fight each other's monsters to have one another
I don't want you to become a stranger
But what can I do when you don't want to try or bother?...
Piece by piece
day by day
you take my peace
No matter what I say
To my heart, you have the keys
To you it seems no more a toy with which to play
Any meaning is starting to cease
My love is starting to decrease
I fear it'll become another one of the deceased
And I'll be left alone with my beast
On my broken soul it will feast
I plead for you to stay
But you won't see anything more than the least
"Alright" "yeah" and "okay"
Despite the fact I'm begging on my knees
That's all you continue to say...
They'll only care when I'm gone
When I'm no longer here for them to rely on
A sense of equality is an idea they'll never come upon
In their selfish minds, it'll never dawn
You throw me away like a boomerang
Like a dog fetching a stick
One day, today, I won't come around
I know you didn't throw anything but your arm
But in the end, I feel like the dick
I stumble, I fall, I try to get up but I feel too sick
I'm done living for an other
Who'll only give up on me one way or another
In the end I guess it doesn't really matter
What I give,
What I make,
What I change,
What I surrender
You take it all and throw in that blender
Put it back in the box with the label "return to sender"
"You're too nice"
is a phrase I hear from hearts of ice
I'm sorry I hope, that I roll the dice
That I dare to try instead of being another one of the mice
But I won't change, it ain't worth the price
I know my worth, I'm a unexpected paradise
So if I am destined for a lone life for this, I'll gladly make the sacrifice
I have never known an apple that wasn't sour
Rice that wasn't maggots
Noodles that weren't worms
Felt the sun without being burned
Walked without falling
Lived without dying
Swam without drowning
Like a leech, my mistakes suck me empty
Like a shadow, they are ever with me
Like a storm that will forever be
An endless sea with a ending horizon
An end I'm heading towards
A war without an end
A new battle every day
A new wound every night
Want to count the scars?
Might as well count the stars
Pull me apart and put me in jars
Give them to the consuming waters
Give me that gift...