Being honest with yourself is tough, but sometimes it can get you somewhere...
|So sometimes it seems things have to come full circle. This time last year I was questioning if starting up my own business was the grand plan. If, jumping into something like that was possible for someone like me. Now, a year on, I'm in the same position and this time I'm not going to let the fear outweigh the opportunity. This time it just has to be done.
I've learnt so much about me in the past year it's unbelievable. I've learnt that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for, that I have more stay power than I ever thought I could muster, that I am such a controlling person I often won't allow for those 'life moments' that you just have to stumble upon and not plan. I've learnt how to evolve and adapt and forgive and forget, how to move on and to be logical, something I genuinely never thought would come to me. I can rationalise a situation, no longer jump to conclusions and all of these things have taken time and effort to achieve. I've also found the strongest person I know is the man who stands by my side and constantly allows and encourages me to be me. To embrace all my flaws, my quirks and irrational behaviour. The man who takes all of that in his stride and more. The man who continuously allows me to spread my wings and taste adventure so that he can have the pleasure of allowing me that freedom. A man who is selfless and caring, sensitive and rugged, all at the same time.
I couldn't wish for a better man, a better family, a better life and yet whilst thinking about this major life move this morning, I still found myself questioning if it was the right thing to do. And yet all this path has done has twisted me into a wretched, writhing being just waiting to be allowed the grace to breathe, to be inspired, to be dreamy once again. My weekends are just countdowns to the next dull, un-achieving week, my holidays are never long enough or far enough away to forget all that has been and just live in the moment again.
So now, unlike a year ago, I find myself doing this for more than just me. I find myself doing it to set a standard, a precedence in my life and the lives of those around me and those yet to come. To prove that you don't have to belong, you don't have to obey, you don't even have to turn up. You can be your own boss, you can shape your own future; I'm just lucky to have someone beside me every day telling me just that.
So don't second guess it because the next time this opportunity comes around you may not be where you are today, the right time and place may have passed, and all that you thought you could achieve could already be over. Embrace the moment, make it happen however you can, and at least, if and when you fail you can get yourself back up again knowing, you took that chance when so many wouldn't have. You took that chance so that others don't have to.