Written August 16, 2012
|I am in a weird nostalgic mood. Though I'm not sure nostalgic is the right word.
An apartment building I lived in back home burned basically to the ground tonight. I didn't live there very long and kind of hated the place, but that was the same with most hell holes we lived in. But the memories that I have from there are kind of powerful ones although they aren't particularly special in any way.
While living there I dated Sterling for a short time. It was probably one of the only guys I could ever say I really dated, because we went on dates and spent time together and where just official and serious from the start like most of my boyfriends. Truthfully, he was a really nice guy. Night during New Faces practice he invited me out with his friends to watch movies. It was basically a triple date and I was extremely excited to go. While we were out he wanted to stay later to finish a movie and gave me his phone to call my dad to see if I could stay later. I pretended to call from another room and then told him it was fine. Truth is, we didn't even have a phone then and there is no way my dad would have said yes since he had no clue where I was. Just decided to stay anyway and deal with my dad later. I was 15 at the time and Sterling was 17.
When he dropped me off, my dad happened to be coming out of our apartment building to look for me and saw me. He came up to the car and opened the door. He yelled at Sterling for being disrespectful to keep a girl out until midnight and slammed his door. Later Sterling told me it had taken a small chunk out of the bottom of his door because it had hit the curb. I felt awful. Sterling never really talked to me again, rightfully so.
Oddly, what I remember the most from that situation now is my friend April pleading with Sterling over the situation. Asking him to understand that my dad is crazy and that she was trying to get me out of my house because I shouldn't live in a place like that. She told him to not to turn his back on me just because of this. She never told me any of this, I read it all in her ICQ account later on. She was a really good friend, but that didn't last long.
The other thing that is sticking with me, is how much my husband reminds me of my father. They say that you marry your parents but I didn't think that was true when it came to me. In the obvious ways Joshua and my dad are completely different. My dad has never worked a day in his life and lives off of other people, completely not like Joshua. But then there is the human aspect of it. When I told my dad about Sterling's car, he didn't give a shit. He basically said he deserved it for keeping me out, even though I told him I had lied and he thought it was ok. My dad never cared about what happened to other people or their things. Joshua is the same way. After the New Years Eve when we both went out separately, he found my friend Jess's hat in our car. He threw it out the window and told me she deserved it for leaving it in the car.
I truly had never made that parallel until today. I can't believe that I would be married to someone that is so inconsiderate of others when I am so truly compassionate of everyone. I know they say that opposites attract and that being with someone so different from you can help you see the world clearer, but when he would never benefit from my viewpoint, how can that be beneficial??
I am not saying this is something to end my marriage over, not at all. I am just amazed that I never realized this before now.