Journal entry #1
|"If you want to move on from something, or someone, you should turn them into Literature."
I can't remember exactly where I heard that line. Can't even recall if it was from a book or a movie. But there's one thing I'm actually sure of. This line has always been one of the best descriptions of my life. I don't exactly know why, but it's crazy because I can't even confirm myself if I was trying to move on from something... or someone. It's pretty crazy. Mad. Well, we all go a little mad sometimes. Anthony Perkins' Psycho.
And I don't mean psycho mad. Of all the movies out there, why Psycho, right? Because, why not? It's a good movie. I'm not mad. I'm not crazy, either. Not that being crazy is a bad thing, but I'm not crazy. Maybe a little disoriented, yes, but still completely sane.
So, I will write some random prose in this journal. To remember and to forget. I believe that the best way to both remember and forget something is through writing.
You write them down, you read them back. You remember.
You write them down, over and over and over again, until you get tired. Until you forget them.
I usually write them down on a notebook but I realized that I'm starting to have a pile of notebooks full of stories, and I'm not the most organized person so they're just here in my apartment, collecting dust. They all sit next to my books and some music records I bought in the past.
These stories on my notebooks- they're all random - from everything I experienced and witnessed in the past year of living in a foreign country. You know those moments when you stare at something, or someone, whether intently or by chance, and you just get all these words coming at you, rushing inside your head like it's ready to explode anytime. You hear people talk, try and listen to them telling their stories in a foreign language and challenge yourself if you will catch anything, make an actual scenario in your mind as to how it probably looks like if you were there, how you usually picture a certain event from your favorite book. I listen to people's stories, even the random ones, from friends or strangers that I meet.
I take them and put them all together - with the words I gathered inside my head, inspired by songs that made me sing, heartbreaks that I've gone through, things that I consistently long for, things that I miss and don't miss at the same time, things that usually take a long time for me to understand, and things that remind me of all the love I have given away to people who didn't deserve it - and yet to get back.
When you tell people that you love writing, they will picture you as someone who doesn't have any definite dreams or plans in life. Too crazy and emotional to deal with complications. Someone who lives in this imaginary bubble where everything can be possible — from unicorns and rainbows to different artistic ways of torturing or dismembering someone in a crime of passion story.
When you write about stalking, they would assume that you either experienced being stalked or you yourself is a stalker. You write about the beauty of one night stand's, you're the dirtiest human being who cares about nothing else but carnal cravings. You love to write? You must be really lonely and depressed.
It's all these stereotypes that make someone feel uncomfortable about writing.
But I will write my stories. I owe everything to writing. It has been my constant companion. It's always been there for me, wherever I go, no matter what I do. Drunk or sober.