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Rated: 13+ · Chapter · Fantasy · #2159242
Once Upon A Time, a man went to jail for a crime that he didn't commit.
When Joe was sent to jail, he was placed in cell 17, after being given the appropriate clothing.
Said clothing was a white hat and suit covered in black arrows, just as you'd expect.

The cell was blank, save for a desk pushed up against one wall, and a bed pushed up against the opposite one. The bed had no sheets, only a bare mattress and a frame.

Joe heard a voice coming from above his head, saying "So, what're you in 'ere for, mate?"

"Me?" Joe asked bemusedly.

" 'Ow many other 'umans do you see in 'ere?"

"None." Joe replied honestly.

"Exactly me point." The voice replied, in deeply sarcastic tones.

"What are you, exactly? I can't see you."

"Look up 'ere, mate."

Joe turned his eyes upwards. A sparrow wearing a similar suit (minus the sleeves) was hovering above his head.

It alighted on the curtain-rail, before continuing with what it was saying.

"To get back to the question, what're you in 'ere for?"

"Drug-smuggling. They alleged that I was trying to smuggle porridge oats to some bears, but I didn't do such a thing! An actual dealer planted a bag of porridge oats on me as I was walking down the street. The dealer then pulled on a tarncape and vanished. The police soon caught me with the oats, and thus assumed that I must be a dealer of some sort. What are you in here for?"

"Murder, mate."

Joe burst out laughing. "YOU? MURDER?! You're a sparrow for God's sake! How could you murder someone at your size?"

"Lemme tellya all abowt it, mate."

The sparrow cleared his throat, and began to explain his history to Joe.

"So, there's this roight stud, Cock Robin. Now, Cock Robin loves this bird named Jenny Wren. I also loves Jenny Wren. Now, Robin and I are pals. We've been pals ever since we was fledgelings, Robin an' me. So Robin comes to me, arskin' for some advice abowt wooin'. So I gives 'im some pointers abowt 'is lady-love, an' 'ow to woo 'er. So, 'e goes over to 'er, and arsks 'er out. She accepts. I'm seethin'. I thought that, even if I gave 'im the advice, I still moight be able to 'ave a chance with 'er. But no. He actually went through with it. I couldn't believe it. So I took owt my frustration in the only way I knew 'ow. I took a bow 'n' arrer, an' I shot Robin through the 'eart. I only got done 'cos there was two witnesses, a fly, sittin' on a nearby tree-branch, an' a fish, pokin' 'is 'ead outta the brook. The fly reported me personally to 'is Majesty's Constabulary, and I was arrested the followin' day. So that's why I'm 'ere. They tested me, gave me this soot, and now I'm in 'ere. I'll be 'anged in three days."
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